I prep myself for love
I prep myself for failure
Because aint no mulatto child I know of
That's discovered the true meaning of this four letter word
LOVE
But across the path
Are the train tracks
That creates a jagged backbone
Connecting another four letter word
HATE
With ugly written down its spin
This word I come to know....
As if belonging to me,
Scrabbled a cross my skin,
Becoming a part of me,
Not by choice but by love.
By love reeking of lust,
By love reeking of lust
I have fallen victim to the racial slurs
Toss around from heart and home
Broken and torn I finally realized I have no home
And as if it wasn't enough
To come face to face with terms that: "no man will ever love me"
Society sets in;
Showing me how worthless, disgusting and ugly a gold skin tone can be
Ripping apart my sanity
Telling me I'm below the social chain
And the only thing I'm good for is to: "lay on my back"
Beaten until I was numb
Their words still rung clear
Filled me with hatred so deep
That it's impossible to ever fully recover
And after hating for so long
I now know it runs through my veins
Puts the fire in my eyes
Hugs the curls in my hair
Adding the glow to my skin
Killing my heart until I realize
I have nothing else to hate within my self
So I look
Searching for an external solution to this unforgivable pain
I turn to my creators
The starters of this anger
This ugly
This disaster
This pain
The ones who clam love
But those who will never feel this pain
Ones who say "never fall for lust" but obviously did
Because it couldn't've been love
What parent would do this to a child?
Their child.!
Marking me damned within first seconds of life in god's hands
No marked damned when conceived
No marked damned from the moment they kissed
What parent could do this
What parent could?
Saying "I'd take your place if I could but..."
But what?
But oh, you couldn't bare to feel this pain
Bare to know that you'd never be loved like you are within these walls
Bare to understsand the emptiness that's growing
Pouring outward from within
Bare to understand why I waste my time
Trying to understand the reason people have a hunger to make people hurt
Why people have a thirst for the fallen tears of the
Angry
Lonely
Oppressed
Vicious
Empty
Mulatto child
