Same Problem

At Luci's Inferno, last call didn't always mean 'last call'. Almost never, come to think of it. There were always stragglers still nursing whatever their chosen poison of the night was, the few hopeless losers still scrambling to get some action before the evening was through, and of course Luci's best customer and closest friend, Bean. Oh, and Elfo. He was usually there, too.

It was those last couple of things that were of-notice as Luci started what he referred to as 'cleaning up to close'. He would always laugh to himself when he told people that. It was his own private joke. In about twenty minutes he'd grab the hose from the back and spray the entire bar down with water, whether or not those dopes were still there.

This night, however, Luci contemplated spraying some of them down with his finest booze and lighting the jerks on fire. Actually it was just one particular jerk. One that wouldn't leave Bean alone.

Luci could see him over there at her table, leaning over her and acting like he invented that move.

"Pfft," he huffed in the general direction of the display. "That jerk's been bothering Bean all night. He thinks he really has a chance with her."

He hadn't actually been talking to anyone, but as Elfo was close by and also within sight of Bean and this dude he started directing his words to him.

"I mean, am I right?"

Elfo – who had clearly not been paying attention as he nursed his chocolate milk – glanced over to where Luci was looking. "I don't know, Luci. I don't know much about human standards of beauty, but that guy is pretty hot."

Luci's eye narrowed as he saw the jerk lean in to whisper something in Bean's ear. Elfo was right about one thing, he didn't know what the human hotness standard was. Especially not for Bean.

"Plus he kinda seems like her type. Big, manly, and he looks kinda dumb."

"Oh, so like the opposite of you," Luci quipped. It was pretty common banter between them, but it was also something he did to try and deflect.

"Oh haha. I get it, I have no chance with Bean either. You know..."

But Luci had tuned him out. The jerkface was now sitting on the table, leaning in closer to her. Luci heard her laugh ring out through the now nearly-empty bar. Bean's laugh was like a crazed donkey butchering a pig. Loud, nasally, and all over the place. It was exactly the kind of laugh they'd use as a torture weapon in Hell.

God, Luci loved it.

He saw her half-lidded gaze look the jerk up and down, she said something to him that made his smile grow more mischievous. It was hard to ignore the look she was giving him, one that the jerk was beginning to share. They were just drunk, that was all. She was just way too drunk to even know what she was doing. Although he told himself that, the fact that Luci knew he was lying made his stomach turn.

"Hey, Luci, are you even listening?" Luci heard Elfo call to him from a foot away, but his eye was still trained on Bean and this idiot she was with. This idiot who was now laying a hand to rest on her knee, sliding it up to her thigh, and then---

"O-kay, I think it's time for Captain Cockblock," he turned the elf's face towards them. "Elfo thing."

"What, what do you mean?" he asked. He may not have known it at that moment, but Luci was looking for a reason to slap somebody, and Elfo was far too close to be making a face that dumb.

"Aren't you still hung up on her? Don't you wanna – I don't know – jump in and stop her from doing something stupid with a guy she doesn't know?"

"Oh, I'm still into her, but I'm taking things slow, playing the long game."

"But we're also her friends, shouldn't we be, like, looking out for her and shit?"