Depressed Italy x Germany

II

Italy's pov

Everyone's too loud. What are they even talking about? If they're trying to fix world problems, atleast try not to insult each other.

I was just there, drawing on a piece of paper. No one seemed to really pay attention to me, well of course they wouldn't. No one's gonna pay attention to some idiot drawing.

I was too focused on the drawing that I didn't notice Germany glancing at me every now and then. Is my cover breaking? I started getting worried. I didn't want Germany to find out. He would just pity me and try to say something encouraging so I can be 'happier.'

And the fact that I like him is even worse. I didn't want that to get to me. I'm already depressed enough. The whole meeting I was just drawing or spacing out. Before I left, Germany called me. "Italy. You know that I'm your friend. And this friend of yours knows you too well. Tell me, is something bothering you?" Germany asked me. Friend huh?

I turned around and faced him with a smile, almost breaking when I saw his frown. He must know that this was a fake smile. Well then how about this? I put on the most listless and most carefree face a person could have. "Huehue don't worry Germany. I'm fine really! I just dropped a bit of my pasta this morning." I lied.

Let me tell you, that worked way too well. I saw him smile, which made me feel a sense of reassurance. He doesn't need to know about me yet. And with that, I turned around and left the room,  going back to the inn. It was yet another tiring day, even though I just sat and drew the whole time I was at the world meeting. I didn't even get a chance to speak up. They figured that I would just say something stupid. I might look like a person who doesn't care but that hurt.

Really, words and actions can hurt a lot.

I hate myself. I hate my self for being stupid. I hate myself for being an idiot. I hate myself for being weak. I hate myself for trusting others. I just want it all to end.

My arm rested on my forehead as I was laying down on my bed. It was a rainy day today.

My hand was itching for pain. I rolled up my sleeves to see all the cuts. There was barely any room left, but luckily there still was some. I took out a razor blade and stared at it for a second before going to action. I slowly pushed it down on my arm, the blade getting deeper and deeper into my skin. Soon, blood would start spilling out. Another cut after another, not stopping at all, as if darkness was controlling me. My eyes suddenly saw a figure on the road. They had a black cape or cloak with a black hat and... blonde hair? They look... exactly like Holy Rome. As I watched the figure, it turned directly towards me. "I've always loved you Italy." Someone said. H-Holy Rome!?!? I thought inside my head. In an instant,
I dashed towards the door, not caring about the bloody mess on my arm. I didn't care if I didn't put on a coat. I didn't care if a lot of blood was spilling out from my arm. I just want to see Holy Rome again.

Once I was outside near 'Holy Rome', he started to run to someplace. And of course, I followed him. I followed him for 5 minutes, stopping to a bridge. Holy Rome was standing on the ledge of the bridge. "Wait stop!" I tried to call for him. The figure started to lean forward, eventually falling from the bridge. I ran, desperate to save Holy Rome, but it was too late. He was gone.

I failed to save him again

After that, I realized that I was about to fall from the bridge too. My feet started to hover up in the air, the pressure of gravity hitting my upper body. I was about to fall, god dammit.

Sigh... I decided to accept fate and fell into the river below the bridge, my hand trying to reach for something. Before I lost consciousnous, I saw a glimpse of someone's hand reaching for mine.