Mikah

CHAPTER SIX

"She cares for you, Angus," Olsen spoke softly, "Just leave it at that. Someone actually cares for you for once. What do you want me to say, congratulations?"

"No, you don't understand," I started, "It felt like she cared for me... but more than anyone has for me in my life."

He glared at me.

"Except you, of course," I reasoned, "But for a lass, I mean, that's almost abnormal. Especially for her."

"Baloney, Angus! Do you really not like it when people are not nice to you? Just get used to it!"

I shook my head,

"No, but-"

"No buts, Angus! Get used to the lass, and know that she cares for you, it's not some tragic trick that she's playing on you. And you know what, I think that Phoebe intimidates you, if you want to know what I think." Olsen predicted.

"Phoebe does not intimidate me!"

"Sure she doesn't," He smirked, "I could call her in here and we can see about that."

I shook my head rapidly,

"No!" I screamed, my voice turning raspy.

"Alright, alright. I won't. But you'll admit it someday, I just know you will. But for now, boy, you must learn how to deal with such lassies like herself. More importantly, you need to learn how to deal with yourself."

I looked at him, shocked.

"Are you saying I don't deal with myself very well?" I questioned.

He shrugged,

"You don't, so yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. But you can always improve on that, Angus. Instead of bringing yourself down. But, that is with practice."

"But how? I can't just change who I am, Olsen!"

Olsen sighed, and looked at me, without an ounce of sympathy in him.

"All of us have mental health issues, you just have to attack it with all you've got." He instructed.

"But how do you know, Olsen? You see, think, and hear better than I do. How am I supposed to do that when I'm at a higher rank than you." I ask.

"Oh, Angus, I am like a hawk. But becoming a hawk takes lots and lots of practice. You must believe.... Believe you are a hawk, and soon you shall fly. Do it, Angus. For yourself, and prove yourself wrong. Do it, and you shall fly, far far away from here, I can promise you that. And believe me, you shall become the greatest hawk. I believe in you, Angus, you've got this."

***

I've always seemed to wonder why Olsen decided on the name "Angus," for myself.

I suppose the name is fancy, and Olsen is fancy, so it would suit me quite nicely. That is, of course, if I was his biological son.

It's always seemed too Irish to even suit me correctly, but what else would I be if I wasn't Irish?

But Olsen used to tell me as a young lad when I would wonder things that my name needed to be proper... that it was either Angus or Edgar, the two names for a boy that his wife absolutely adored.

Instead of having children of their own as they had hoped, they soon found out she was unable to have children. Which made them heartbroken, as you can imagine.

It's quite hard for me to imagine her, or even Olsen in love, for that matter. She died long ago from an unknown illness on her deathbed, hand in hand with Olsen, apparently.

Even though it's hard for me to imagine her, there's a drawing in a picture frame in Olsen's office of her and all her glory. The drawing is even drawn by Olsen, and was back when he drew quite a lot.

He used to be an incredible drawer, but that was until she died right before his eyes, before the love of his life was permanently gone.

The drawing of her... it's truly incredible, and leads me to wonder why he quit when he was truly that great. The death of a loved one will do that to you, I suppose.

In it, she wore a red and white picnic dress, complimenting her dark coal-like curly hair and light complexion. Dark freckles scattered around her pallid face, matching her beautiful hair.

Below the drawing of her, had a title of the portrait type drawing. It said;

ANNE LOUISE MORLEY, 1897,

MY LOVE, NOW AND FOREVERMORE

It's quite depressing to look at, quite honestly, and it doesn't fail to make me sad every time I look at it.

There's even a poem in another picture frame on his wall too, that he wrote as well. Which is quite depressing as well, but that is not the point.

Everything changed once she died, it feels like, even though I wasn't even alive yet to feel the pain that he felt. But I think the loss of his wife was the biggest hardship Olsen has had to deal with.

I mean, if I had someone as he had with his wife, possibly I would understand what he went through. But I don't now, for right now I have no one except him. And it's not as though he truly cares for my wellbeing.

Even though he's the closest thing to a father I have, I don't think he completely understands what I go through. He's never really described me as his "son" as most people suspect, but I would say we're quite close to it.

If I were his biological son, or if him and his wife were able to have children for that matter, I would be Angus Morley, not Angus Monaghan. Which leads me to wonder why he chose a different surname for me. Possibly because he's dead wife, Anne's maiden name is Monaghan. But I've always been too scared to ask such a thing.

He saved me from the freezing cold and from his doorstep, the day he took me under his wing, I should be thankful, right?

But it all leads back to him not letting me take his surname. Was I not worthy of it as his blind son would have been? Or did he not want to think of me as a little him as he raised me? Possibly he was still mourning over the death of his wife, and didn't want to think of her every single time he looked at me.

Still, why chose the one name she liked and were going to name their child if they ended up having a son? That's the real question.

People around me always say that loved ones will keep things from you to protect you, that doing so they love you, but that leads me to wonder whether or not Olsen has kept anything away from me... whether it was for the right intentions, or for the bad.