Writer's Block

I hate you.

I hate you.
Those 3 words that I've been meaning to tell you for so long.
I hate you.
You're the reason why I have sleepless nights.
I hate you.
You're the reason why I am crying every night.
I hate you.
For giving me those feelings and thought you love me.
I hate you.
For giving me sweet nothings and sugar coated words.
I hate you.
Because you left me hanging, loving you.
I hate you.
Because you left me.
I hate you.
Because you choose my bestfriend over me.

But you know what I hate about you so much?
Is that you keep on taking all the blame and hatred I'm giving you.
When in the first place, I'm the one who break us apart.
I'm so damn scared when I found out that my bestfriend had feelings for you.
I'm so scared that you might ended up chooging her over me, and you did because of me.
I'm scared because I knew that she can easily get you away from me.
I'm so damn scared to the point that I left you alone, fighting for us while me, running away from all of this.
I ran away because I'm scared choosing between you and my bestfriend.
I ran away because I'm scared losing the both of you.
But I did, because I ran away.

I'm sorry.
For blaming you.
I'm sorry.
For everything.
I'm sorry.
For still loving you.
I'm sorry.
For having regrets on leaving you.
I'm sorry.
For being jealous whenever I saw you with my bestfriend.
I'm sorry.
I've been weak for "us".
I'm sorry.
For having those feelings such as 'that should be me instead of her'.

I hate you.
I'm sorry.
I love you.