Rehab, Actors & Love

Losing Hope

Della's POV

I closed the door, the image of Dylan's face stuck in my mind. I leaned my forehead against the door, struggling to hold in my sob. I turned around and slowly slid down the door. I pulled my knees into my chest and rested my forehead on my knee.

When I couldn't hold it in any longer, I broke. A sob escaped my lips as I sat on the floor. Everything over the last year came rushing back.

I'm not sure how long I sat like that, tears streaming down my face. All I did know was that when I finally stood up, I was sore. I trudged my way into my bathroom and took a hot shower.

I didn't care that the water was burning my skin. I didn't care that I stood in the shower for over an hour. I didn't care that I missed dinner, laying in bed instead. I didn't care that I stared at the ceiling all night. I didn't care that I didn't sleep.

I didn't care anymore.

* * * * *

My feet dangled off the edge of the checkup table, slightly moving back and forth, as Evan ran through our normal steps. I stared at the wall, not saying anything. Evan caught on to my weirdness but didn't say anything.

Until it was time for me to leave.

I started to get up, but he stopped me. "Okay, what is going on with you?" He sighed, folding his arms across his chest. "You haven't said a word since you've been here."

I just shrugged, looking away from him. "No," he said sternly. He gently grabbed my chin, making me look at him. "You are not shutting me out like you did when you first got here. Is this because of that boy?"

I bit my lip, fighting back tears. "Dells," he sighed using both of his hands to tuck my hair behind my ears, his hands lingering on my cheeks before moving to my shoulders.

"What's going on, kiddo?" He asked, gently. "You haven't been the same since he left. Did he say something to you?"

"He told me the truth," I said softly.

"The truth?" Evan asked, looking at me strangely. "The truth about what, Dells?"

I took a shaky breath, my eyes filling with tears. His hands slid down my arms, grabbing my hands when he could. I bit my lip before opening my mouth.

"Dylan was the driver."

Evan looked at me, studying me for a second before his eyes widened when he caught on. "Dylan was the driver who hit you," he said slowly. I bit my lip as the tears silently fell.

I gasped as Evan wrapped his arms around me, tightly pulling me into his chest. He rubbed circles on my back as a sob escaped my lips.

I took a shaky breath, forcing myself to calm down and stop crying. I leaned out of the hug, gently pushing Evan away.

"Della," he sighed when he saw the look on my face.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice breaking. I stood up and walked out of the room. I was surprised that I was able to walk all the way back to my room without him trying to stop me.

* * * * *

I sat in the chair across from Dr. Hailey, playing with the string on my sweater as she studied me. "Della," she said, gently. "Evan told me about Dylan and how he. . ."

She stopped talking when my head snapped up, looking at her with desperate eyes. She sighed as she put her notes down. "Honey, talk to me. Please?"

"What do you want me to say?" My voice broke. "I finally opened up and let someone in. I finally trusted someone. I finally found someone that I could, maybe. . ."

"Della," Dr. Hailey said with a smile on her face. "Say it."

"I finally started to. . ." I couldn't say it. So I didn't. "And it turns out to be the one guy responsible for. . . Everything."

"Have you tried looking at it differently? Positively or from his side?" I sent her a look, making her chuckle. "I know, I know. But, think about him. He is the one who figured it out, right? And he told you. He didn't have to."

I sighed, looking away from her. I'm sure it was difficult for him to admit it, but. . . What am I supposed to do?

"How am I supposed to look at this positively?" I scoffed, turning the conversation away from Dylan O'Brien.

"After all these months, you finally have the one bit of closure that you were never able to get. Now you know what happened."

"Yeah," I scoffed, ignoring the pain in my throat. "And I fell for what happened."

I stood up and stormed out of her office, ignoring her protests. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself as I walked to my room. When I got there, I slammed my door shut and pressed my back to it. I was going to sink down but decided not to. I couldn't take it anymore.

I pushed off the door and walked to my bathroom. I practically tore the cabinet door off the wall. My eyes scanned the shelves until I found what I was looking for. I grabbed it and popped the lid off before I could stop myself.

I looked down at the palm of my hand. I gasped when a tear fell next to the pile of pills.