Sotus: Hiraeth [Complete]

Epilogue-1 ( part 1 )

Arthit

Three months has passed since Kongpob's surgery. Life has been hard. Kongpob still falls back in to thinking about loss of his voice. Though he still has voice but now there are restrictions on using it. He had been advised not to sing in high pitch, not to yell or shout even not to cough hard. He can't eat too spicy or too sour or even too sweet. It's good that Kongpob doesn't have sweet tooth and he naturally doesn't eat spicy.

Even talking continuously for half an hour was a big no no. Kong sometimes gets sad because he couldn't give lectures now. He fills that space of time by giving more to research. They were assured his voice situation would become better as his throat healed with time ,everything was now dependent on time, speech therapy and patience.  Kong says he misses singing for Arthit . It's other way round now, duty of humming a soothing tone has fell back on Arthit. How times have changed!

Arthit never thought he would soothe someone, help them out of pitying themselves. Doing it for Kong has strengthened their bond and Arthit's trust in himself is growing too. He has learned putting Kong's needs before his own. It doesn't means he is all sorted out now.

Arthit has his own demons to fight. Though he had Kongpob now and he was fully out of drinking scenario. He still has his own psychological issues about his past. Trusting new people was still hard for him. There were many instances that showed he still didn't trust Kong fully with his heart and body. Arthit is greatful that Kongpob is understanding about this. But Arthit doesn't want his past to intervene anymore with his present and eventually with his future. He has signed up for therepy and diligently attends every session however hard the aftereffect is. The only good quality he has in him  according to himself is his stubborn attitude to complete the task he put his mind at. And he is determined to put Thaksirat firmly in past, he will definitely do so.

It is not as easy to do though. Physically Thaksirat is out of picture since Arthit had taken fist to him on that eventful day.

Thaksirat is among those people who try to dominate a person  until they don't put him in his place, he doesn't have spine to fight back. Arthit knows this since the day Thaksirat tried to force bondage on him despite of his firm refusal , Arthit hung him with his own ropes on the wall. There were no repercussions to face on other day. Thaksirat had apologized to him instead. Even now after he was beaten black and blue by Arthit, he just stays out of Arthit's way literally.

Thaksirat being out of picture physically isn't enough though because words inflict more powerful wounds than knife ever could. A cut by knife can be healed, even it's scar can be made to vanish using medicine but that isn't the case with wounds inflicted using words. Those wounds remain on your subconscious, it although heals superficially with time, it's very easy to bleed fresh at any minor trigger. It marr the person's brain for lifetime.

' I bet you have never held him lovingly. You have never made love to him or did you ? Let me tell you what you do kitten, you fight, you dominate, you fuck , you never make love ' Thaksirat's words still ring in his ears whenever he holds Kong, whenever he touches his bare skin these words ring in his ears, clouds his mind completely with hopelessness at his own behaviour.

However Arthit wants to deny these words,  he can't. Because these words are actually true. One way or other he actually takes control of situation whenever they are intimate. Kong says he doesn't mind. He says Arthit taking control is most attractive sight for him, its his psychological stimulation. It doesn't mean it is alright for him to do so everytime.

Arthit thinks they are couple, they should be equal in every aspect of their relationship. Besides it's not like Kong was used to bottoming or liked bottoming before. Arthit was his first. Arthit thinks Kong must be missing the feeling of taking control, of being top at least sometimes. Besides Arthit thinks this matter as a lakeuna in himself, he should be able to give himself to Kong as easily as Kong does for him. He had decided to overcome this lakeuna slowly but surely.