A Hundred Million Suns (Larry Stylinson)(BoyxBoy)

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* Hey guys :) this is a new book ive been working on, and Im not sure if I shoud go through with it, But here is the begining; ( If it is good, I will continue ) this is just the start, I just need some opinions *

Saturday 9 November

I lay there in my bed too cold to move with my eyes fixated on the pale wall. I notice all of the pictures are taken down. Their light spot kind of like an outline of memories in hung remains. I can still remember what picture went where, and could faintly see our smiles burning a hole in the back of my head, reminding me of each breath you once took, and every booming laugh that filled the room. The therapist said it would be good for me to get rid of all reminders. I’m not sure if anyone really knows what’s good for me, not even myself. My nude body displayed on these sheets like an art, I shouldn’t say an art- I’m far from it. Goosebumps have touched every square inch of my body leaving me about as smooth as being. Everything is gone. Every last piece of me

“Hmm, Harry…?” I swallowed before answering

“Yes Niall.?”

“D-do, you think what we did was a mistake…?”

I close my eyes to his remark taking a deep breath thinking, of course it was, I am completely disgusted with myself.

“Do you?” I ask holding my breath

“No… I guess not…” I slowly let out the air I have been keeping in

“Well, neither do I.”

“Good.”

“Good…”

My eyes slowly flutter closed, and the illusion of me being happy danced around in my head. It’s completely un-realistic. I can’t keep living like this. I go to bed every night praying not to wake up. Every day is so painful. I feel as though I am slowly drilling a big hole through all of my internal organs. I want to wake up and be happy, I want to wake up and turn over to see my one soul mate right next to me and tell me everything is okay, when we both know it isn’t. I haven’t smiled or laughed ever since he died, and I don’t plan to. Nothing will ever send me back to that state of pleasure as Louis once did.  

What just happened was a big mistake… And I can’t even imagine how he feels inside. I think he knows. I don’t actually have these feelings for him, but in my sick fucked mind I guess I’m using him to get over Louis.

Maybe..

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