Nixon

Chapter 5

Ryan
• • •

Blue, white, and gray.

My mind is lost in the swirls of multicolored paint covering the canvas in front of me. The painting originated with precise lines and specific colors but they quickly ran together and twisted out of control, kind of like life. Things start out so simple, everything makes sense as a small child, then as you age you realize there's so much we've yet to figure out, the world is filled with the unknown.

I dip my brush into the chocolate brown paint, the same shade as Seth's eyes. My chest hurts as the bristles smear the paint across the canvas, images of those deep brown eyes staring at me in my head. When I close my eyes I can picture them perfectly, I can feel his gaze on me as he gives me a dimpled smile. See the way the brown orbs ignite when he looks at me.

It feels like I'm grieving a death all over again, but I guess I am, the death of our relationship. When he walked out it felt like he took a piece of me and I'm worried that I won't ever get it back.

What if I'm never whole again?

A knock on my door has my eyes popping open. I hadn't even realized they were closed, too far gone inside my head. I place my paintbrush in my cup of water and glance at my reflection in an oval shaped mirror I have hanging on the wall as I make my way to the door. There's flecks of paint all over my bare face, my hair is in a mess on top of my head and I'm still dressed in the oversized shirt and shorts I wore to bed last night.

I sigh quietly and walk over to the door, one glance in the peephole has my heart stopping. I quickly look again at the familiar blonde haired guy who walked out of my apartment a month ago with my heart in the palm of his hands.

"Please let me in, Ryan." He begs and my heart goes from frozen to overdrive with just those five words.

It is Seth, I was worried I had been thinking so hard I started hallucinating.

Nope.

No hallucination.

He's right there. On the other side of the door. No need to start freaking out or anything, Ryan. I take a deep shuddering breath, willing my heart to slow down as I reach up and release the lock before slowly opening the door. The sight of him standing right in front of me just makes my heart speed up impossibly faster.

I numbly motion for him to come in, his eyes never leaving me as he steps inside. My head hurts as a wave of emotions washes over my entire body. He looks so handsome with his messy blonde hair and all black clothes, even the sadness lurking in the depths of his brown eyes and the dark bags underneath them doesn't take away from how attractive he is.

I cross my arms, worried as to why he's here but also hopeful. "What's going on?" I ask warily.

Seth takes a deep breath, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I talked to Nixon."

My eyes widen in surprise. "You what?" I never expected him to say that.

He nods. "He came by my apartment."

"What did he say?"

"He told me why he wanted you to visit him alone, he told me he lied about everything, he said you chose me." He clears his throat, getting choked up. I know that must have been hard for Nixon to do, to admit those things to Seth.

My lip trembles. "Of course I chose you, you should've known that."

He frowns. "It was difficult to see that when you were hiding what was said between the two of you from me. After everything you wouldn't be honest with me and it hurt. It felt like you chose him. You got upset with me for keeping things from you but then you did the same thing."