Nixon

Chapter 4

Seth
•  •  •

As a kid I got whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. My parents struggled to conceive and when they were ready to give up after two miscarriages my Mom got pregnant with me. Because of this in addition to being an only child, I was beyond spoiled. My parents rarely told me no but they still made sure that I grew up with proper morals and the knowledge that all these things that were handed to me were worked hard for. I held on to that mentality, that everything worth having was done so by hard work.

I saw Ryan for the first time wheeling her suitcase into Prescott Hall. Her fiery red hair hung down her back in messy waves, not a trace of makeup on her face with freckles dotting her cheeks, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she took in the rowdy group of guys that lingered in the lobby, tossing a football around.

I was tempted to stop and talk to her, ask her what the hell she was doing in an all male dorm with her suitcase and why the hell we had never met before, but I was looking for Nixon. I had just checked his dorm room but he wasn't there. Ryan didn't even notice me, too focused on the chaos around us but she left an instant impression on me right then.

I was a little stunned when I spotted Kelis guiding that same red head around campus the next day. I knew Kelis wouldn't know where Nixon was but I had to meet this girl, so I approached them. Finding out she was Taylor Knightley's sister was the first of many surprises, then came the news of her being Nixon's roommate, everything spiraled from there.

I tried flirting with other girls, I even flirted with a girl at the basement, the one and only time I invited Ryan along, but I couldn't follow through with it. I was bummed when Ryan left with a girl from her class. Turns out she left with Nixon, he made sure to tell me about it and their kiss the next day.

The only time I managed to hook up with a girl was the night Ryan pushed me away because I smelled like weed, and I had sex with Sasha. I felt so guilty afterwards, I don't think I've ever felt that amount of guilt over anything in my life. I tried ignoring the feeling because we weren't dating, at that point we hadn't even kissed so I didn't understand what the deal was. I shrugged it off as just wanting to sleep with her, I'd have to be blind not to see how gorgeous she is. Then we kissed and everything just clicked for me. I never admitted it to myself but I swear I fell in love with her by just the feeling of her lips against mine.

Something inside me shifted that day. Suddenly when I looked at her I really saw her, not the sarcastic, fiery attitude, eye rolling facade she wore but the sadness hidden within the depths of her cerulean blue eyes. The girl that was slightly broken, a little lost, and a whole lot curious about the world around her.

When her Mom passed she really lost herself and it hurt seeing her like that. It was so damn painful watching her run to my best friend when I wanted to be there for her, I just wanted to help her. I was determined to show her I would always be there but it seemed like she fought me every step of the way. She didn't want my help, she just wanted to lose herself.

Then, finally, I talked her into going to rehab. Once she was out of rehab and school started back it felt like we had a real chance, like all the hard work I put into loving this girl had paid off. Fuck, just her smiling at me the way she does, the blush that reddens her cheeks, that made it all worth it. Then she told me she loved me. Experiencing her love is like nothing in this world, I don't think anything compares to being loved by the person you love more than life itself.

Even after all that work, the literal tears we poured into our relationship, all it took was something as simple as a secret to make it come crumbling down around us. But then again was life ever really that simple? It wasn't just the secret, it was everything behind it. All the words that remained unspoken, all the questions answered by actions instead of being vocalized and explained.