The Grasshopper

Chapter 99

“Did you watch the evening news, Grasshopper?” Erivan asked as soon as the Grasshopper picked up.

“Yes, Mr. President. You were fantastic.”

“Hm? Was I?” Erivan chirped. “Here, I’m playing back the recording. I can’t stop. And the hand on the back? What do you think?”

“Unique.”

“And one foot a bit back, straight, sharp like a sword, a?”

“Phenomenal.”

“The most phenomenal, Grasshopper! Had I not stuck it out, the spotlight would not have shined on the boot.”

“No, it surely wouldn’t.”

“And like this it gleams!”

“It gleams.”

“You’re not exactly thrilled?”

“Of course I am. I watched it many times.”

“Really?”

“Of course… Nevertheless, I’m watching events in different cities. Everywhere… across the Earth. I’m zooming in the images from our satellites…”

“Why?”

“Because such things interest me. I zoom in on people’s faces. It’s a pity I don’t have audio.”

“You are a strange one, Grasshopper.”

“I’ve been thinking.”

“What? You have a proposal?”

“No, no… I see… in one city Consumers and Non-Consumers are mixed together.”

“Yes, that’s the case in most cities.”

“They’ve set up barricades in the middle of some street.”

“Yes, they’re doing that everywhere. The city is split into the Consumer and Non-Consumer part, and each flees to their own.”

“I see. But not everyone makes it across. In this street, the one I mentioned, they fell a man behind the barricades, and they’re kicking him. And he hasn’t moved in a while. He’s probably dead.”

“What does that have to do with me on the news?” Erivan was curious.

“And behind the other barricades, on the same street, in the same city, the same picture. They are kicking another man. The only difference is the clothes. Ones have t-shirts with vertical stripes, and the others have t-shirts with horizontal stripes. Then I thought how lucky these people are today that they can clearly differentiate between themselves. The seasons have provided people with uniforms, already in this initial phase of the war. For all of them. There will be no civilians in this war, Mr. President.”

“Excuse me?” Erivan asked without any interest, stopping the recording at the moment when he banged his fist on the map and looked at the camera.

“All those wretches in past wars…” the Grasshopper spoke contemplatively, “… went into the street and had no idea who was on their side and who was the enemy. They differed only in the invisible. In what was in their heads.”

“What heads, Grasshopper? Man, do you see this gaze of mine? Do you see it?”

“But that’s man. That’s how he was created. Experience doesn’t play a role… only instinct. Here, look at this generation of ours. There were other such generations in history, when the lulls lasted several decades. I mean… periods without wars. These children think that wars serve only to torment them in history class. There were other such generations that thought that wars were the thing of their past, stupid, primitive and undeveloped ancestors. And that they were developed, civilized, humane… and then a war would break out, like this one… after an entire century… and people immediately, instinctively start kicking.”

“Ah, they’re funny,” said Erivan, watching the generals push and shove on their side of the table.

“I’m thinking about our season clothes. What’s wrong with that? Nothing. People have found all kinds of excuses to kill each other throughout history. So why should this one, with the t-shirts and different stripes, be any less worthy than the previous ones? Perhaps it isn’t as dignified as the pervious ones? It’s really a pity that I don’t have audio so that I can hear one of the heroes, bare-chested, carrying a staff with the t-shirt hanging on it, charging the enemy barricades, shouting ‘Horizontal stripes!’ or ‘Vertical stripes!’, just before being cut down by a hail of gunfire.”

“Are you still running a fever, Grasshopper?” Erivan asked, going back to the story from the evening news.

“No. I’m just very content. I would sometimes wonder… doubt myself… for a moment…”

“Did you notice at all how I approached the table, Grasshopper?! Did you see that stride!”

“I’d think about whether the Balance has actually been achieved. Is that the final answer? Has the killing come to an end? Although, Kaella did kill the old and the sick to keep the Balance…”

“Yes, he did. What a scoundrel he was. Here, I’m slowly making a fist…”

“…in those hospital of his, Euthanasias.”

“Yes, the hospitals are full. They’re constantly pestering me with that, Grasshopper! They say, ‘what should we do, Mr. President? There are many wounded, then there are these epidemics… we don’t have drugs…’ I’m sick of them… Look, look! Are you watching my footage at all, Grasshopper? I’m placing the fist on the table, leaning on it…”

“But that was systemic, regime killing. That is why I wondered what happened to the basic human urge… and now I’m at peace, content. That is… always the same, just with a new excuse. And those striped t-shirts of ours, that is probably the cutest excuse in history.”

“Cute? You think that they’re cute? I think they’re really funny!” Erivan laughed loudly, watching the generals stretch their necks.

“And now I’m certain. Now I know… Now that I’m finally here, in this room, I know that I was right all along, that my effort wasn’t in vain… that my life has a purpose…”

“Grasshopper, that’s…” Erivan was laughing so hard that he struggled for air.

“To serve you, Mr. President,” Grasshopper jolted back from his thoughts.

“I’m going to die laughing, to die… Hmm? What did you say?”

“I say, to serve you, Mr. President.”

“And you’re lucky to have me, Grasshopper,” said Erivan, watching himself wisely nod his head over the map of the world.