Stranger than blood, closer than stars...

Some things in the universe cannot be defined or explained, and some relationships? They never fail to astonish us. Not conforming to any laws of the world, they exist because there is a connection that defies man-made theories.  So do we call it Karmic connection? Probably or probably not.....Societies have set aside specific roles for each of us and we categorise the relationships as; Parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, employers, husbands, wives, so on and so forth. Most of us adapt to these roles in one way or the other.  The communities we live in demand us to fulfil these roles.  But beyond our reason or understanding, there forms a bond, which at times, bewilders us and at other times staggers us. Even when we try to unravel the relationship or forget its existence, it lies somewhere between the twilight of our conscience.

My relationship with Tanmay falls under this category. Over the years, we have tried to fit into many roles that our society demanded namely; friends, best friends, lovers and confidante but none of the association convinced us of our deep connect. Confused?

Let me start from the beginning...

Childhood...

I was born in a family of land-owners in a small town called Kasauli in Himachal Pradesh. The soaring peaks, plunging valleys, roads with the hairpin turns and towering pine trees were the landscape that I watched everyday from my room. I didn't need a frame of painting on my walls to admire. The view from my small wooden balcony was enough to keep me happy. I had two brothers, three cousin sisters and one cousin brother. All of us lived under the same roof and grew up together. In short, it was a big and boisterous family that made lot of noise. There was no time or period in our life to feel lonely or sad. If we needed advice, then our elders were always available and when we wanted entertainment, our uncles would take us to cinema or theatre or concerts. There was also no dearth of playmates. I have been told many times that when my mother gave birth to me, my grandfather after one look at my light grey green eyes, fair skin and dark hair, named me 'Mohini' in fond endearment. Since then I have enjoyed the honorary status of being his favourite grandchild. 

In short, my childhood should have been contented and happy. It was.... but I was not.

Till I turned 13, I was unsure of what I missed. There were days when I would question my existence and nights when I would feel the absence of someone. I would look at the distant peaks and feel that they were trying to confide some deep secret to me. When there were celebrations in the house, I would be the centre of attention and no festival concluded without a dance performance by me. Amidst the joy and gaiety, I would always feel a strange sense of loneliness. Once, when I confided to my mother about the state of sadness that I felt at all times, she dismissed it as my vivid imagination. However, she asked me to pen down my feelings in a diary because she was convinced that I would make a good writer.

When I turned thirteen, I had to change my school. From a girls' government school, I had to shift to a co-education high school. To this new school, I had to travel some miles. The school bus would pick us up from a common point. It was at this common point that I met Tanmay. He would walk down from the opposite uphill road and I would trek up from a downhill lane. Somehow from the moment we met, we bonded very well. He was one year my senior in school. On the first day of new academic session, my father dropped me at the stop in his scooter. Tanmay was reaching the stop then. He was tall, reserved and wore black framed reading glasses. With his backpack, he carried a cricket bat. He noticed my father dropping me but ignored me. There were other students at the stop. I was familiar with a couple of them so we chatted till the bus arrived. Tanmay did not speak to anyone. He stood aloof, munching something. The bus arrived and everyone scrambled inside to get a seat. I took a window seat at the second last row and Tanmay took the seat beside me. For the first few minutes, I ignored him. Then he offered his packet of chips with a shy smile. I warmed up to him. That was the beginning of our friendship. For the next four years, we took the same seats in the bus without fail. We would never miss our birthdays, never failed to share our meals and always stood by each other. He became a familiar face at my house and my brothers and cousins welcomed him into their fold.  Unlike mine, his was a small family that consisted of him, his sister and his parents. His father was a professor at the university and everyone teased Tanmay as a nerd in school.