Lotus

Chapter 1

The sky, a dark grey with no seams, cast a shadow over the already gloomy day. Adorned in black from head to toe, a girl walked into the church. The only noise made in the building was the quiet weeping of the mouring and her shoes clicking on the tile. Her eyes showed no signs of crying, but she like it that way. Keeping her emotions bottled up inside her and not letting anyone in. It was easiest that way. 

She walk past the rows of seating. People lifting up their heads and quickly casting their gazes back to the floor. She could feel them glancing at her, but she dared not meet their eyes. No one could see the sorrow she really felt inside. The pain that built up inside her with every step she took to the final farewell. When she reached the alter, she could see the details on the large black caskets there lie her family. The three coffins were all laying neatly in a row from smallest to largest. 

She felt the larget one, the smooth texture with a few rough patches from the detailing reminded her of her father whom lie within the box, ready to be buried. The texture felt like his face when she gave him a small kiss: smooth, except for the few rough patches were he missed from shaving. She was thankful for the closed casket or she might broke down in tears at the sight of her beloved father. It wasn't like it was an option-- no make-up could cover up the wounds that her father recieved.

A small side step put her in front of her mother's casket, also closed for which she was thankful. Her eyes squeezed shut at the pain she felt in her heart at the thought of never running and giving her mother a warm hug or having her rub her back when she couldn't fall asleep, the cold metal of the coffin contrasted with the warmness of her mother. 

"Goodbye," the girl said under her breathe, not wanting anyone to hear her.

Lastly, she turned to her younger sister's resting place. The casket for her was uncovered, for she didn't suffer quite as many injuries as her other family members. The girls hand went up to the side of her face as she remembered the horrible accident. She knew that she shouldn't have survived, but somehow she did. 

"I miss you, Rosemary," she choked out.

She looked at her sister and knew that she didn't look the same, just not right. Rosemary's blonde waves were placed too perfectly down across her chest. Her bright blue eyes, shut gently, and her chest not moving. That was the most unnatural thing. Her sister looked almost as if she was sleeping but the lack of movement proved that theory wrong. 

If you looked at the sister's you would never be able to tell that they were related. Rosemary's blonde hair and blue eyes, so much like her mother's contrasted with the girl's dark brown hair and green eyes. She looked more like her father.

She looked at her sister's still, lifeless body one more time and opened her mouth to say goodbye.

That was when the tears came.

At first only a single tear came to her eyes and slowly made it way down her cheek. The sobs slowly became harsher and more violent. Denial set in and she screamed foul things to the universe.

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" she screamed, questioning God's ways. "Why did I not die? Why was I not killed?"

She did not know how long she lay there, crying until she couldn't anymore and then her screaming and thrashing turned into silent shaking and numbness.

Yes, that was the perfect way to describe how she felt: numb. Numb to the world and anything around her, numb to the pain, numb to any feeling that crept upon her, the feeling that she would lock up and hide away.

She didn't say anything when the people told her to leave. She made her way back down the aisle, and this time no one was there to give her looks and pity her. She didn't want pity, she wanted her family.