The END to it all

FUCK FORGIVNESS

"Asia i know it's not what you want to hear but it's the right choice."

"Put yourself in my shoes Doc, 17 years old lifes going good, falling in love, school is great, then one day everything comes crashing down. Your boyfriend cheated and its online for the world to see, everybody laughing and whispering about you. You go home and you're crying your eyes out, then you receive these pictures of their text messages and now it more than cheating its betrayal. That's makes its worse now your doing drugs trying to ease your pain and just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, you get exposed for the entire world to see. Your body all over facebook, your conversations telling the person you love your deep secrets about the things you hate about yourself things that scare you things the entire world should not know about you. Things you trusted him with. out for everybody to see. Then the room starts spinning and then its stops and just when you think you found the solution you grab the gun and you contemplate is it all worth it and just when you get a glimpse of common sense not to. You get a message from the person who started it all and they are telling you all this stuff and at the end of its all they tell you "to kill yourself." So at this point you weak and your hurting so bad and only thing thats going through your head is I want it all to end. So that's what you do you point that Gun right at your temple and you pull that trigger . and just when you think it's the end. WHEN YOU THINK THE SHIT IS ALL OVER DOC." i said with tears coming down my face and anger and tension built up inside ready to bust loose

"Asia calm down. Please Calm down. I know it's painful please just have a seat." she says as she gets up and walks closer to me.

" WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER , I WOKE UP IN THAT FUCKING HOSPITAL WITH THE DOCTOR TELLING ME IM LUCKY TO BE ALIVE ONE MORE FUCKING INCH WOULD HAVE ENDED ME FOR GOOD. I WAS WISHING THAT THE BULLET MOVED ONE INCH MORE. Because that whole time it was just me, my mother, my grandma,and maxine in that hospital. Where was everybody else. My own father would not even come to see me after that. I heard him tell my mother that he did not want to see me that he was ashamed of me. that he could not even go out the house in peace without somebody bringing up the situation to him. He said he was disgusted and i was not his daughter. SO ITS FUCK HIM AND EVERYBODY ELSE WHO DIDNT AND DONT CARE FOR ME FUCK THEM ALL BECAUSE WHEN EVERYTHING WAS GOOD OHH THEY WAS AROUND THEN BUT WHEN I NEEDED THEM THE MOST THEY LEFT ME. I GOT MOTHERFUCKERS WHO DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME WHO CARE MORE ABOUT ME THEN ANY OF THEM EVERY DID. They say blood is thicker than water, but i say ice is more solid than blood when times get cold."

She just looks at me in silence, I could see in her eyes that she felt sorry for me, and that she felt my pain. But she could never understand.

"Now Dr.Watts you tell me if you would still give forgiveness."

she didn't give an answer. she just looked at me for a brief moment and then she rose out of her seat and came a gave me a tight hug. at that point I broke down at that moment while in her embrace.

after I pulled myself together. she gave me another hug and walked me out.

"I'll see you next week , were going to be doing things a little differently. Take care of yourself . And remember you are stronger than you think.

I walk out of the office and head to my car instead of going home, I went to my spot in the park away from everybody and just sat there taking in nature until dark came.

AUTHORS NOTE: 

i know this was a tough and emotional chapter but gotta get through the root of her pain to understand her before we continue on. so just buckle down and bear with me thought these next couple of chapters.