The Tale of a Drunk Bartender- A Star Trek DS9 Fanfic

The Tale of a Drunk Bartender

You walked down the hallway from Ops, running your fingers through your frizzy hair, and desperately trying to smooth your rumpled Engineer's uniform. You and Chief O'Brien had been repairing random technology for hours, when Captain Sisko ordered you to take the rest of the night off. In a daze, you made your way to Quark's Bar.

You plopped down on a barstool, relishing the absence of weight on your sore feet and wobbly legs. The bar buzzed with people, seeming much busier than usual. Cheers of "Dabo!" filled the air, sending sharp spikes of pain though your head. You cursed internally, not another headache! Your shoulders slumped and you let out a long sigh.

"Ah! Ensign!" Quark's cheerful greeting came from behind the counter, "What can I get for you?" You looked up at him with bleary, tired eyes.

"A Saurian brandy would be nice," you rasped.

"No offence, but you look terrible," Quark said, getting out a bottle and quickly pouring you a glass, pushing it towards you, "You can have this one on the house."

"Thanks," you said, giving him a wry smile. You took a sip, and once the soothing liquid had made its way down your throat, Quark turned away and began serving someone else. You squinted at the Ferengi suspiciously. A drink on the house? Usually Quark tried to sucker you into giving him any latinum he could get, however small the amount. He was in an especially good mood, you decided, and when Quark was in an especially good mood, it almost undoubtedly involved illegal business. You decided to keep an eye on Quark, slowly nursing the Saurian brandy clenched between your hands, yawning frequently.

You didn't know how long you had been sitting there, when Rom appeared and Quark waved him over so they could talk. They began whispering in a conspiratorial manner, and you edged closer, hoping they wouldn't take notice. You got just close enough to hear them and leaned in.

"I have a great new idea for making profit," Quark whispered. You rolled your eyes, he was always coming up with ideas to make a profit, and they rarely made it all the way through.

"I've managed to get my hands on some Romulan Ale," he continued. Your eyes widened.

"But, Brother! That's illegal under Federation law!" Rom exclaimed, rather too loudly. Quark shushed him angrily and then waved his comment off.

"No one has to know what it is," Quark hissed, "Now, as I was saying, I've managed to get my hands on some Romulan Ale, and boy does it taste great mixed with Vulcan Brandy." Quark laughed. You nearly gasped aloud, and clamped your hand over your mouth. The two alcoholic drinks were extremely intoxicating alone, you couldn't imagine how bad they would be together. Not to mention such extreme drunkenness could not be healthy. Rom seemed to be having doubts of his own.

"I-I don't....I don't know, brother...," Rom said breathlessly, "Odo and Dr. Bashir will notice that something-"

"Psst!" Quark said dismissively, pulling out a suspicious bottle, "Don't worry about that, I have profit to make!" Your muscles tensed as you wondered when it would be necessary to intervene.

"Want to try some?" Quark suggested slyly, moving the bottle in a circular motion, the liquid sloshing. Was he insane? He was a bartender, for Prophets' sake! He should know how bad the two drinks would be mixed! Or did he just not care?

"No, brother. I'm not getting drunk!" Rom said, shaking his head and backing away slowly. Quark shrugged. "Suit yourself."

He then opened the large bottle, tilted his head back, chugged quite a bit of the mixture, then closed the bottle again.

"Ahhh," he sighed. You stood up slowly on your lead-heavy tired legs and plodded over to Quark.

"I think this is getting out of hand," I said. The liquor was obviously starting to take effect, and surprisingly fast.

"Ensign?!" Quark exclaimed, "How long have you been standing there?" You ignored his question.

"I'm afraid I'll have to report this to Odo," you said.

"Oh no.... you won't," Quark said. He off surprisingly fast for a drunk man, taking the bottle of Romulan Ale-Vulcan Brandy cocktail with him. You thought you had no energy left, but you took off after him with as much power as you could put into your strained legs. Unfortunately, repairing the technology on DS9 all day had left you with so little energy all you could manage was a slow jog. You eventually gained on him somewhere on the Promenade. It made you disappointed in yourself that it hadn't taken you less time to gain on a drunk Ferengi. Panting heavily, you hooked your arm around Quark's shoulders and spun him to face you.

"Quark! You're drunk, you need to go to the Infirmary," you said firmly.

"You just thhhhink you know eveeeerything, don't you?" Quark slurred, his eyes rolling backwards in the most extreme eye roll you'd ever seen. Somehow he still managed to keep a grip on the bottle of alcohol he'd been holding. Everyone stopped and stared. You clenched your teeth.

"I know a drunk man when I see one," you insisted.

"No," Quark said, stumbling away. You let out a growl of frustration and stomped after him. Garak raised an eye ridge at you as he slipped past you and headed for the stairs. You kept an eye on Quark as you slowly followed him around the Promenade. Eventually, he turned and went into the Infirmary, the very place he didn't want to go moments before. You walked in after him. He was talking to Dr. Bashir and when Quark saw you he pointed.

"That evil engineer wants to send me to the Infirmary because she thinks I'm drunk!" he said.

"Quark, you are in the Infirmary!" Bashir said. Quark looked around. "Oh," he said, as if he were surprised. Just then, Odo walked in.

"I heard you two caused a disruption on the Promenade," he said, his pale eyes boring into you.

"I was trying to stop him from causing a disruption! He's the one who's drunk!" you protested.

"Hmmph!" Odo scoffed, "I should put him in holding cell before he causes any more problems."

"That's not advisable. He could seriously injure himself if he were to repeatedly run into a force field," Bashir said. Odo rolled his eyes.

"Can't you just give him an anti-intoxicant?" "An anti-intoxicant allows someone to drink without getting drunk. He's already drunk, so it wouldn't do a thing," Dr. Bashir said, " A sedative would be better." He looked at a nurse and said, "12 cc's of anesthizine."

"Sedative?!" Quark cried, backing away.

"Quark," you started, "We are just trying to help you-" At that moment, Quark reopened the bottle and shoved it in your mouth, causing you to gag and swallow much more of the intoxicating mixture than you would have liked. You pulled away, sputtering.

"Quark!" Odo yelled. You continued coughing as Dr. Bashir frowed.

"Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.

"I'll be fine," you grumbled. Unfortunately, you were incorrect in your assumption that you would be fine. The cocktail of Vulcan Brandy and Romulan Ale, combined with the Saurian Brandy you had earlier, made you extremely drunk. In that point of your life, you didn't know that if extremely drunk, you could become violent. Uh-oh. The room spun slowly as you stomped over to Quark and clenched his lapels in your fists. He giggled.

"You think this is funny?!" you began, screaming into his face and shaking him. Quark began to struggle and everything around you seemed to fade around you as you unleashed all of your frustration on him, until a pair of strong arms latched around your midsection and tried to drag you away.

There was the hiss of a hypospray and everything went dark.