Vertigo

Chapter 5 ~ Raiding the Auctions

I left the TruShift headgear on my bed where I had thrown it, and slowly stood up. My muscles were a bit sore from all the time I had been in VR over the last month. It wasn't recommended to be fully immersed for more than eight hours a day for a reason, but I found the escape from my solitary life helped. My muscles might protest a bit, but at least they still moved when I told them to.

It wasn't as though there was much in my room to keep me interested in reality. I had my single bed shoved up against one wall with two soft blankets, and five pillows of various shapes and sizes. A small shelf sat above my headboard with my tiny collection of paperback novels. There was a window beside the bed that allowed me a view out onto the streets several stories below. On the far wall there was a screen built into the woodwork, with the keyboard and mouse tucked away in a panel under it if I needed them. Most of the functions through the screen were touch activated, but the mouse and keyboard were still useful for some of my work.

The monthly stipend given to every man woman and child wasn't quite enough to pay for my above ground apartment with a window, but I supplemented it with web design. The creative industry was one of the few left where human contractors were still needed, but I was sure it wouldn't be long before an advanced AI program would be taking that job as well.

Web design didn't require me to go into an office, or deal with people face to face, something I hadn't been able to do in years. It also didn't require that I use a regular keyboard, so I had been doing more of my work in VR as well. I rarely needed to leave VR anymore. My virtual office had shifting murals on every wall with whales flying across the sky, or unicorns grazing in a deep dark forest. They were scenes that I could step into if I wanted to. Why would I care to stay in the real world if I could be in that setting? It was so easy to work, sleep, and play in VR, why would I be outside of it?

Because I was a coward.

The thought was out before I could stop it, but I couldn't deny it.

It wouldn't have been the first time I experienced death in a game. I liked to think that I was a decent player, but even decent players made mistakes, or came across mobs that were a bit too hard. Death was unavoidable. So why had I been so afraid of the bear?

I thought of the bear running at me, his jaws wider than my head, and a shiver ran down my spine. Giant teeth, and great big paws with sharp claws ready to dig into my flesh, and all I could do was stand there. I had no weapons, no spells, and nothing else to summon. I had been helpless.

It was one thing to stand up to a creature when you have a sword in your hand, and at least a chance of surviving. It was entirely different watching your death approaching, knowing there was nothing you could do.

It wasn't as if being a coward was unusual for me. I became a shut in because I gradually became afraid of the outside world. That fear drove me farther and farther into my rooms, until I barely left them. Everyone made excuses, said my feelings were valid, and pointed out all the horrible things happening in the news. It was easy to stay indoors.

Maybe the fear was valid, maybe the world outside was just as dangerous as I thought it was. I didn't even think I was a coward for admitting it was scary out there. No, I thought I was a coward because I couldn't deal with it. Everyone out there was afraid sometimes, but they still went out there and did what they had to do while I stayed locked behind a door.

It was hard looking in a mirror, and seeing the mistakes you made in your life. I tried not to, it was too uncomfortable, but leaving Gill behind like I did wasn't going to be simply forgotten.

I ran, it was what I did. When Freddy tried to be the hero and save the village from a wererat I wanted to run. When the leader of the bandits we just defeated was a player I wanted nothing to do with him. And when a bear was about to put my head between his jaws and bite down I ran.