𝑴𝒀 𝑩𝑶𝒀 , reddie

1

"I was born jaundiced. Once I sat on a toilet seat at a truck stop and caught haemorrhoids. And i've learned to live with this chicken Bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years, so I knew Dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction."

richie would always say that with heightened dramatic flare. he always acted like he was ill, in reality, he was very healthy for his age.

"dad, i don't want to upset you, but recently my glasses have been getting tighter around my face. since my brain can't grow anymore because i've collected all knowledge known to man, that can only mean one thing. i must have cancer. i'm dying."

richie tozier said casually, sitting at the small table while his dad made them sandwiches.

"ok richie, now can you hand me the mayonnaise out of the fridge?"

of course, richie didn't have cancer and richie wasn't dying.

this was usually how things went in the tozier household, wentworth tozier made food, richie made some remark about death, and richies grandma rose sat silently until she started to sing loudly. she never spoke, grandmoo only sung. and only at dinner.

they were an odd family, especially considering the fact they lived in a funeral parlour. or rather, their house was the funeral parlour.

they all were fine with it. making due with this fact.

richie actually made money with this fact.

richie doesn't bother to close the door as he hops down the front steps of his house to face a group of boys.

"all right, who's in raise your hand." richie stood there with his hands on his hips. looking down at the 5 boys.

all the boys there raised their hands except stan. stanley 'urine'. 'resident wimp' all the boys would say that, but richie would always tell them off. stanley was his best friend.

"are you coming or not? eddie k."

"don't think so." eddie fiddled with the bottom of his pink polo shirt, it was impeccably clean. everything about him was. he was always neat and tidy.

"i knew he wouldn't come." richie shrugged.

"i can't," eddie spoke softly, he always spoke softly. it was just who he was. "i have to go home."

one of the boys amongst them snickered. "yeah, to go play with his dolls or something, the freak." they mocked eddie.

"leave him alone!" richie said sternly. richie always stood up for eddie like this. "come on, let's go."

sure, eddie was kind of a freak, but he was richies freak. and no one would talk to him like that, except richie.

richie lead the boys inside as eddie left. stopping them as soon as they entered, he turned around and scrunched his nose up in distaste at one of the boys. adjusting his coke bottle glasses.

"you didn't pay me."

"how do i know you're gonna show me one!"

"you're such a baby."

"alright," the boy whines and reaches into his pocket. "here." he hands richie a few coins.

richie smiled mischievously, shoving the silver coins into the pocket of his dirty overalls, then he lowers his voice.

"alright now, follow me and don't say a word!"

richie leads them towards two large doors at the front of the hall and turns back around to face them.

"you ready?" he slides open the doors to the coffin display room, moving slowly in the direction of a coffin placed in the center of it.

"you sure you wanna see it?" richie teased. "or is someone gonna go yellow belly?"

one of the boys took to opportunity to say. "i'm not a chicken." but the boy that was shaking like a leaf. richie snorted at that, rolling his eyes.

such babies.

"okay," richie said smugly. "lean forward."

there was a tense moment before richie flung open to coffin and let them peer fearfully inside.

"it's empty!" one of them complained, and that set off a chain of complaints from all of the boys.

"you're so weird!" and "i want my money back!"

"i was afraid of this.." richie started, walking carefully out of the room. the group of young boys followed him still.

"of what?" they looked at him.

richie scratches the back of his neck. "well, sometimes when we get 'em, they're not completely dead," he fibs. "you know, like when they cut a chickens head off and it still runs around all crazy."

"you're full of shit." one of the boys went off, but richie continued.

"i bet she's roaming around this house somewhere." richie whispered darkly and opened the doors into the living room.

they creaked eerily as they all looked in. richies grandma sat in her rocking chair.

richie faked a gasp. "there she is, in the rocking chair!"

there was a pause, a stiffness in the air, everyone held their breath. then his grandma started rocking in chair gently.

the boys behind richie jumped back in fear, richie watched as they stumbled down the hall yelling and spilling out the door.

"holy shit!" they yelled as they run down the street, leaving the front door wide open.

richie laughs a bit and sits himself on his grandmas lap, he was small enough to curl up on it. "hi grammoo." he sighs and leans his small head on her shoulder.

she doesn't say a word, as always, she just stares straight ahead in a dead sort of way. richie always understands though, his grandma isn't in her right mind, but she still had one. and she still loved him.

"richie! would you bring down my cigarettes?"  wentworth tozier had called down from downstairs, where they would get the corpses ready for the funeral. you know, like show ponies and stuff.

wentworth told richie about 10 times a day not to refer to dead people as show ponies, richie didn't listen of course.

richie slipped off his grandmas lap and kissed her on the forehead.

"bye grammoo." then he went to go grab the cigarettes.