Post-Miracle Queen: Lukanette miraculous ladybug fanfic

Struggling Parts

Marinette's POV
Sighing, I flopped down onto my bed.  Oh Luka, if it were only that easy.  Almost as if sensing my raging sides, Tikki flew out of my purse.
"You did the right thing Marinette.  Especially now that you're the guardian, it is more important than ever that you keep your identity a secret.  Hawkmoth isn't done yet.  It isn't over.  But you won the battle!" Tikki said.
I smiled tiredly at her.  I knew she was right.  But Luka was different.  In some ways, he was like Tikki.  As much as I wanted to tell him everything - have one other person, or kwami, or something I could talk to.  Someone I could tell everything to without them judging.  I wanted that.  I needed that.  All at the same time though, so couldn't.  Not only would I be putting everyone I care about, the person I tell it all too, all the people they care about, the miraculous, and the kwamis, I would also be endangering all of Paris.  That wasn't a risk I could afford, especially after losing Master Fu.  My heart pounded.  Losing Master Fu was a gut - wrenching loss.  I was being careless.  And not only were my friends' superhero identities revealed, Master Fu memory erased, but Chloe turning to the bad side too.  It was all too much, and not enough at the same time.  I messed up.  It was all my fault.  I felt my eyes getting teary, but I shoved those feelings down.  Now more than ever, I can't get akumatized.  And even if I did, if I gave up my miraculous to another, Hawkmoth would surely win.  I was the only Ladybug with enough experience (at least in this time period) to face him right now.
"Is it bad Tikki?"
"Is what bad Marinette?"
"That I'm in love with Luka. Master Fu had to give up on love to protect the miraculous and protect everyone. In the end, he ended up with no memory of anything. I don't want that Tikki. I want to be able to love. I want to be able to tell Luka everything. Tikki? What am I going to do?" I asked her.
I looked at her worried face. She didn't give me a response, so I continued.
"One part of me is telling me to listen to my heart. The other is telling me to listen to my head. Which do I listen to? If I don't tell anyone, I'll be protecting everyone at the expense of myself. I'm breaking Tikki. Slowly from the inside out. If I follow my heart.............. I have no idea what will happen."
"Marinette. You know you can't tell anyone. It's your sacred duty as a miraculous holder and as a guardian. Master Fu entrusted the miraculous to you for a reason. He wouldn't have done otherwise if he didn't think you'd made the wrong choices." Tikki countered.
I sighed. I knew she was right, but my heart was waging a war against my more sensible sides.
"Then what about Marianne?" Marinette asked.
Tikki didn't respond. She didn't know what to do. She knew Marinette was telling the truth. But she couldn't let what happen to Master Fu happen to Marinette.
"And look what happened. Master Fu and Marianne ended up losing each other for years. Even now, they can never be fully reunited." Tikki responded expertly.
I groaned.  Tikki was right.  I was Ladybug.  I couldn't afford risks.  Any risks.  Maybe I was destined to be alone.  I loved Luka.  But if I ever want to be with him, I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt of keeping a secret that big from him. 
"But maybe it'll be different with you and Luka.  Luka is a pure soul, I can sense it!" Tikki said cheerfully. 
I looked up in surprise.  Tikki smiled in approval.  It was a huge risk.  But her owner was right.  If she was going to continue being Ladybug and Guardian, she would need someone other than her to consult. 
"Besides, I can't let Marinette go up happy for the sake of everyone.  She deserves to be happy too.  And who knows, maybe Luka would be able to help Marinette in some situations. 
"Thank you Tikki!" I cried.
I sat up to hug her.  I could tell Luka.  I could finally be myself with someone besides Tikki.  Someone who knew my secrets.  Someone I could love and be honest with.  I slowly slid back into my bed.  I would tell Luka.
Hey Guys! I'll probably update tomorrow or the next day, but for sure, I'll update this weekend.  So see you until then!