Polar Opposites

Chapter 4

"I'm sorry."

Shaking her head, Elsa Caulfield merely sawed more vigorously at her mountain of pancakes. They were six deep and laden with syrups of varying flavours. Anna's, however, had bananas all over them, and cooked into them - plus a banana syrup. "Bananaception" was what they normally called it. On happier days.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. You merely expressed what is allegedly a very normal interest in... in that kind of thing. I just wish you'd learn to take 'no' for an answer."

"You can't even say 'sex'," Anna observed - and saw Elsa twitch. "God, does it really bother you that much?"

"It does. I mean, obviously you picked up on it, but I haven't... taken the time to sit down and talk about it. That's my fault, I guess." Sighing, she set down her knife. "And I'm never going to get these cut up."

"We'll ask the waiter to bring an electric knife. Now, tell me. Don't let my reactions or the pancakes or anything sideline you, just... go for the goal, all at once."

Nodding, Elsa took a sip of her coffee. It warmed her stomach and spread to her limbs, helping to abate the tiniest bit of her tension. Not enough, but enough to help.

"I'm on the asexuality spectrum, Anna. I've known it for a long time, ever since sophomore year of high school. All my friends had already tried masturbating, or even more than that, and I just... didn't care. Never felt those urges. It was so worrying; I thought something was wrong with me, that I was broken inside. Wrong. It seemed wrong that I didn't share those feelings all my classmates were having."

Though Anna was listening, she didn't seem to be processing everything. "Wait, so... you've never had sex, I get that. It happens at different times for different people. But how can you know you don't even want to? That's not even a thing in my mind."

"Just don't."

"But... you and I, we've kissed so many times! I figured you were just shy, and if enough time went by-"

"What, that I would put out for you?"

"NO!" Squirming, she leaned in slightly and said in a lower voice, "Well, yeah, but obviously that's not the only thing I want from you! I just like your body, and I want to explore all of it. And let you explore mine. Like, as a separate thing from us being friends."

Again, Elsa was doing that blush that looked less flattered and more alarmed. "Please don't say things like that to me, okay? It... doesn't give me the feeling that you want it to. It just hurts, since I can't be that for you."

"Oh. So not at all. I'm..." And then it seemed to crash down on her. Firstly, that she had been throwing unwanted advances in Elsa's direction. Secondly, that she and her were never going to enjoy that particular pleasure with each other. It was a one-two punch that she hadn't been prepared for.

"Anna?" Another few seconds passed as her breathing grew more shallow, as she stared off into the distance. Elsa scooted forward and put her hand on top of her friend's. "Earth to Anna?"

"No," Anna sniffled as she jerked her hand away. It felt too nice. She couldn't think those thoughts about Elsa anymore, they were forbidden. "No, I've been hurting you, I- you have to get away from me."

"Don't be stupid," Elsa sighed weakly. "It's not that drastic; I know you'd never force yourself on me or anything. All I'm asking is you tone down the, um... advances."

"But that's all I know! If we're not literally friends-and-nothing-else, the only way I can show you how much I care about you is with my fingers and lips - and I want to so bad it burns! The way you make me feel loved with all those little gestures? I can't do that, it's not me, I can barely understand it from your direction, and... and I need you to know that I care about you, so what do I do, huh? What the fuck am I supposed to do?!"