By Chance Or By Choice

By Chance or By Choice: Part 4

"Donghun, slow down."

Chan's voice trailed after him as they stalked away from the performers' tent. Donghun stopped dead and waited for Chan to catch up. His heart pounded a furious rhythm, his hands trembled. Chan looked wary.

"What are we going to do?" It was strange, seeing Chan's eyes turn round with worry, with the same old chewed lip, but on this pale, freckled face. Donghun looked away. He had assumed getting through to Junhee would have been as easy as getting through to Chan. After all, their bonds were so tight, weren't they? No matter what lifetime they were in, they would know each other's eyes, wouldn't they..?

But Junhee hadn't recognised him.

You don't know me.

The vicious words circulated again and again, along with a wave of nausea. Why hadn't he felt some sense of familiarity? They couldn't leave him there, they couldn't leave him to be beaten and bruised that way, they-

"Donghun? What do we do n-"

"I don't fucking know, Yuchan!"

His words whipped through the air like the slice of a knife.

For a moment, Chan stared at him. Then he took a step forward. "I know it's scary but I'm not-"

"Scary? Scary?" Donghun wheeled round. "That's my best friend, having the life beaten out of him." The lump that lodged in his throat made it difficult to breathe. He forced it not to turn into tears. "That's my brother, who seems to believe no one in this world would care about him and-"

"-And he's mine too." Chan grabbed Donghun's collar and shoved him back. His jaw was set; the fear in eyes had given way to fire. "Don't even try it. I get it, you two are best friends. Just like Sehyoon and Kwan have their friendship." His bottom lip wobbled. "But you all need to stop pretending like I'm just some 'extra' in all this. Do you know how that makes me feel? You four paired off as friends, and I'm just the kid brother."

Donghun's anger evaporated in the heat of his guilt. "Channie, I don't-"

"No. Listen." Chan took a deep breath. "I get it, I'm the youngest. I look to you all for guidance. But that?" He pointed back in the direction they had come, back towards Junhee. "That hurt me just as much as it hurt you. He should have recognised me too. So stop acting like I'm the one who gets 'looked after' but can't care for any of you. Because that isn't fair. Not in this life, or any other."

For a moment, static crackled between them. Chan held his gaze, unwavering.

"You're right." Donghun hung his head. "I'm sorry." He smiled ruefully. "I guess we still see you as the teenager fresh out of Jeju... I just don't always know what to do. I don't know what to do right now."

"That's okay." Chan once more put a hand on his arm, gently this time. "You don't have to. As the youngest, I don't need to be looked after all the time. And as the oldest, you don't have to be strong all the time."

"...Thank you."

"Let's think this through." Chan pulled himself up onto a nearby wall, kicking at the stones with his heels. "We need to get home."

Donghun murmured in agreement, sitting next to him. "How though?" He watched a group of children run past, their coats pulled tight against the sprinkling of snowflakes beginning to make their descent. "How did we get here?"

"I remember bells." Chan looked thoughtful. "I couldn't breathe, but I could hear a bell ring-"

"-nine times," they said in unison.