Most dishonorable Undead,
I write to you to submit a grand proposal. As of late, the halls of our noble city ring with talk of broadening horizons and opening gates, which I initially believed a reference to a building project or perhaps, a self-help book. It is with great pleasure that I learned of the Association's plans to increase our population by allowing a certain number of lesser creatures into our ranks. As the eldest of my clan, and by far the most hip, as the young say these days, it is my duty and honor to offer counsel in selecting an appropriate beast.
There is much to consider before we invite a new species to share our most comfortable crypt. The creatures must not take too much space, for one, or be too shrill of voice. They must not clash with the décor, but rather enhance the surroundings with their appearance and demeanor. Acquiring an exotic species is furthermore preferable, as doing so would be most helpful in boosting our image vis-à-vis our brethren in Romania – who, I am told, are in the process of hatching dragon eggs. The International Convention on Magical Beast Preservation ought to look into the matter, in my most educated opinion. Dragons are an endangered species and I do not for one iota believe the eggs were obtained by legal means. But I digress.
My account to this point has likely been most dispiriting, for such was its purpose. There is however quite little to fear. The constraints we face are indeed daunting, but no match for my intellectual might. I am most pleased to announce that I have selected a creature that fits all of our wants and needs, and a few others besides: the Wendigo.
Talk of exotic! Talk of macabre! The beauty of this American beast is hard to describe, partially due to its tendency to gobble up observers. Accounts do however paint a lovely picture: a lean, muscled body in all states of decay; clawed hands and hoofed feet; a face of a bleached cow skull; and sprawling horns that rise like branches, to top it all off! I daresay, the Wendigo may well start a new trend among the more fashionable of our young.
In addition to its chic aesthetic, the Wendigo offers a pragmatic solution to a very real problem in our community: waste disposal. Humans make for a good, healthy meal, but their remains tend toward rot and unpleasant smells. As human flesh is the Wendigo's diet of choice, its presence will insure a tidy, self-sufficient waste disposal system.
The benefits of adopting the Wendigo are clear, and well-argued, and I submit this proposal in full faith of its social value and overall genius. I await your response with great, humble anticipation.
Yours, Most Illustriously,
Count Burbori IXI
Senior Ambassador to Romania Dracul Society
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