When I was younger, I used to warn myself not to get too close to others. Don't enjoy relationships too much because it will hurt more when it's gone. The source of this overbearing fear is my parent's age. They had me later in their lives, and that, to my younger oblivious self, meant that their death was looming. I know this is unrealistic (death comes at the most unexpected times and doesn't discriminate against age) and unhealthy (not taking care of current relationships will only lead to a future filled with guilt) and yet this notion that hurting now will somehow make the future less hurtful has clung on like a leech. Crazy, right?
Maybe not so much. Maybe you have done the same. Maybe you still do this.
The problem with this approach is, if you are like me, the reason you are so scared is because you feel deeply. I cry easily (Disney movies get me- like in the first 10 mins of Frozen when Elsa and Anna's parents' ship crashed in the storm... yes, not one of my proudest moments), get hurt easily and ironically, attach myself way too easily. When the constant reminder to protect myself fails, it hurts a lot more. This is because now not only am I hurt, but I also feel like I betrayed myself by not keeping the promise to myself.
The bigger problem with this approach is that you realize that you are doing this to yourself.
Don't go through life with your hands in front of you, blocking everything in the path. I know it is hard, and I know you sometimes feel like you are exaggerating your feelings. Validate them. Sensitivity is not a bad thing, if you learn how to use it to your advantage. Take a deep breath, and hold out your hand, palm facing up with a smile on your face.
Pain and loss are essential in life. It is required to enhance love. If forever existed, we wouldn't value the present as much as we do. We wouldn't chase our dreams. By blocking pain, you are inevitably blocking love. If there is one thing TED Talks have taught me, it's that human beings are a social species. As an ambivert, I understand the need for quiet. But even introverts require company, friendships and love.
Regardless of where you are, who you are, who you love, which religion you follow (or if you even believe in one), and what your aspirations are, I want you to know you are worthy of love. I am not only talking about the kind you get from another person. You see, in all my rebelling against feeling too much for another human, I realized I was eventually pushing me from myself. I wanted to love without worrying about tomorrow. However, in letting my fear overrule, I consequently told myself I would never be strong enough to deal with the pain of losing them.
This is I what I started believing. That I will never be strong enough. After going through some difficulties, I know (and believe me when I say this) things could always be a 100 times worse. I am blessed. Very very blessed. What I have observed through my experiences is that humans are strong, resilient creatures. We have formed wonderful support groups, and technology (for the most part) has actually helped in the betterment of society. If you need help, others generally will come your aide if you ask. With this, I am going to claim that you are so strong. I am so strong. If something from my nightmares were to happen, I trust in myself, my friends, my support and my God that I will be ok.
And you will be too. Trust in yourself. You have yourself to answer tomorrow. You are bound to do amazing things in life. While going through this stage, you can make it better for yourself by being open to happiness, even if it comes with an ounce (or a tonne) of fear. Most good things in life do.
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You're a Snowball Like Me!
No FicciónThis started two years ago as a one-chapter motivational piece that I was happy to leave alone. However, recently I have been wanting to share my rantings and analyses on this bizarre thing we call life (without it being written as poetry). My hope...
