Pure

I'll Be Home For Christmas

The nurse that came from St. Mungos said it was a brain aneurysm, a common flaw of the body in both the muggle and the wizarding world. There was nothing that could have been done by the time it was discovered, but no one knew why it burst so suddenly.

The nurse said it was likely caused by some form of stress on the body.

I almost retched when I heard this.

The nurse turned her attention towards me after covering Thana's body with the thick knitted blanket that used to rest on one of the armchairs by the fireplace.

"This is my fault!!" I screamed as tears sputtered out of my eyes, "How could I have... I did this," I let out an earth shattering roar and fell to the floor less than a metre away from Thana's corpse.

The nurse hustled me up and walked me over to the empty armchair that used to house a knitted blanket.

"Now, now," she hushed, "none of this is your fault. This isn't anyone's fault. It just... happened."

The nurse stroked hair away from my face. There were some strands that stuck to my tears, but I didn't move them. I just sat there, huddled into myself. I imagine that I looked like Clive had earlier in the night, rocking back and forth, with an empty heart and no hope.

I just wanted to go home.

I clung to that idea, and by the time I managed to stumble into my dormitory, I had made up my mind. I sat in the shower as water washed over my face and I didn't care when it dripped into my eyes and mouth.

I wouldn't spend another day as this person who stood by as an innocent was tortured. I was finished. My brain tried to take over several times.

You are so close, it said. He really is changing! Do you really want to leave him now? Tom Riddle, Tom. He's just a boy with no guidance. You were guiding him. Dumbledore said this was likely the only way to stop the future war...

The last comment almost pulled me out of my mindset, but it still wasn't enough. I would go home and fight like hell against Voldemort. Fight harder than I ever thought I could, because now it was personal.

Yes, I was going home.

Home when the sun rose.

I was fine, fine.

I shuffled out of the shower and slid into 1940s style pajamas. I got in bed with a forced, false smile that stayed pressed to my lips only until I fell asleep, and it caved into a straight line. I cried again in unconsciousness.

~~~

The next morning, I awoke early, still with home on my mind. I worried that my head would take over in the middle of the night and force me to stay, but thankfully, I managed to keep those thoughts far enough away to even spur me into packing my things. Even in despair, I was stubborn.

Of course, I wouldn't be bringing my belongings home with me. My plan was to sell them on a last trip into Hogsmeade today before leaving. I'd never really even gotten anything worthwhile to take with me apart from my forced finds at the dank little shoppe I visited in Hogsmeade after the first week of my stay in 1943. Perhaps I'd give those to Abraxas, for luck and safe keeping. I didn't want any memory of these past months with me.

Now today was supposed to be filled only with making preparations for my leaving, but I was drawn towards the library one last time. Call it my desire to forget about Thana, or a remembrance of the beautifully outdated editions of textbooks scattered among those that remained in my time, but as I was heading down to meet Abraxas with my enchanted necklace and book, I was pulled towards the beautiful stacks.