Another Sad Story

1.

There I was, growing lighter and lighter with every step I took. Surrounded by the bright warm lights. I didn't feel any pain, I felt free. Looking down at my bare body the scars were gone, my light skin was finally clean. Soft and smooth. I could breathe again, I wasn't in fear nor did I feel any pain. But how? Where the hell am I ? The warmth of the bright lights faded and everything around me turned blue, I looked down to see my physical body. Oh shit, I did it. There I laid, on the bathroom floor, with slashes on both my wrist and the bottle which I had emptied. There I saw him walk in and scream in terror. He held my body, tears flowing hard down his face. He quickly grabbed his phone dialing 911. I'm sorry. Impatient he carried my body out to the car rushing me to the hospital.

"This is what you wanted right?" A voice echoed.

"I never wanted to hurt him." I cry

"Yet here you are."

"Am I dead?"

"Not officially."

"Officially?"

"Well I get to choose. You cheated your life and took a shortcut into your death, you're not supposed to die yet."

"God?"

"No."

"So do I get to choose whether or not I want to live?"

"Doesn't seem to me like you wanted to live."

"I don't, it's horrible down there. My mind was always racing. I felt insane down there."

"And do you feel sane yet?"

"I don't know."

"I'm the angel of death, you won't speak to God until we figure out what's going to happen to you."

"Happen to me?"

"I don't know if I should let you die or send you back down there, well in reality it's up to you."

"I don't want to die but I don't want to be alive."

"Do you want to make him happy?"

"I do, all I ever wanted to do was make him happy, he deserves better, i'm just a piece of shit."

"Yet he's crying and trying to save you."

"Out of sympathy."

"Do you really believe he doesn't love you?"

"It's not that he doesn't love me I know he does because he hasn't left. I just feel like I'm dragging him down with me. I was drowning, my body was tied to a rock and he's wasting his time trying to save me. He needs to let go of me. He needs to swim back to shore in order to keep sane. I can't let him die with me."

"So you left him to suffer alone?"

"I didn't-"

"You are here, aren't you?"

"But-

"You don't think he's going to be in more pain without you."

"I-

"You've upset him, you hurt him, you didn't even try to be there for him."

"I'm so selfish."

"Go back to him you can't die now, you two have a lot left."

"I can't be in pain anymore."

"I can't help with that but it's not your time, you have to go back."

"Wait please,"

"We'll speak again when your time comes."

"Wait!"

I feel myself fall, the tightness in my chest, the racing mind, the heartache.

"No!" I scream, opening my eyes the bright lights of the hospital room sting my eyes.

"She's awake!" The doctor announced. The sound of my heart beating on the monitor screams into my pounding head. Unable to contain my tears, I'm a mess but before I know it the room goes pitch black.

When I awaken again, the lights sting my eyes once more and the room is cold, the only patch of warmth I feel is his hand holding mine, everything is blurry.

"I-
I try to speak but my voice is hoarse. He gets up to give me a cup of water.

"Drink up." His voice isn't soft, he's mad.

I take a sip of the water, avoiding eye contact. I feel a sting on my left arm then realizing the patches on both. I trace the tape holding the patch to my skin.

"They stitched you up. It'll heal after a few weeks." He avoids my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I breathe.

"Why? I thought you said-
He turned his back on me as he began to cry.

"I know I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was being stupid, I was intoxicated, I didn't know any better."

"You could have waited! I told you I was on my way home!" His eyes met mine, his eyes were bloodshot and swollen. I've hurt him.

"It was so loud, I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to feel again." I begin to cry, seeing him hurting stings my heart.

"Did I not make you feel?! I was trying so fucking hard! Am I not good enough?"

"Yes, you are, you're all I ever wanted. You're my whole world."

"Then why did you leave?? You were going to leave me!" He can't contain the waterfall that flows from his eyes.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry." I reached for him. His face falls into the crook of my neck.

"I was so scared, I don't want to lose you, ever. Please don't do that ever again. Promise me you won't ever do that again." He sobbed into my neck.

"I promise, I won't go anywhere. I promise." I caress his hair.

"I love you too much." He sobs.

"I know. I love you more. My voice is weak."

He holds my body close to his. "I thought I actually lost you. I didn't know what I was going to do. I wasn't ready."

"It's okay, I'm here now."