It is the person that is the brother of fear and the cousin of depression; its address book has the contacts of all manner of dark repressions of the human psyche. It affects the fragile soul because it is more vulnerable.
All of the abused.
All of the unhappy, the nervous and the sleep-deprived are all at risk no matter what you do.
It creeps up slowly in your ribs and your fingertips draining the blood away from your head. If you're not careful it will sneak up on you; blocking out the words and the reason from your mouth. Your lungs will forget their jobs and you will forget to breathe.
The urgency has come to me now and I must do something but it's unclear what. At this point I've relinquished control, becoming a different creature.
One with only two objectives: run or scream.
I look around and don't know what to do. Everything looks wrong; hot, sharp, cold, dangerous and harmful. I step back, having set my plan into motion, watching my efforts bloom, content to sign my name.
All I want to do is run, scream but the words will not escape from my mouth; instead I just feel like choking - choking on my own emotions and on all the memories clamouring through my head.
To conjure memories or emotions to one another for me is similar to meeting a stranger at the subway station and giving them your whole life story.
These things may not be within my forte nor shall it be in the future.
Emotions and memories are of the distant past to me.
Nothing in this lowly earth means anything.
Not anymore.
Anxiety and depression overwhelms me; it overwhelms all I see - in my mind there is a pinprick of distant light that I will never reach ever again, no matter how much I try, it's all gone.
Faces, unfamiliar faces or faces you or I may know - however I only vaguely recognise. I can barely can tell the difference anymore. Everyone looks the same; it's all a blur and no matter what I do I just can't tell.
Every nerve and inch in my body wants to be free but I just can't find the energy in order to do so.
I feel weak and useless, like no one cares.
It's like I'm screaming and no one can hear me; I feel ashamed and feel like nothing. I am nothing. No one understands how much it hurts. I feel hopeless, like nothing can save me; as if I'm surely slowly growing insane, letting the insomnia creep up on me every time.
No matter how hard I try, my efforts are futile.
It begins to rain.
The rain, all of the god damned rain.
Each drop is reminiscent of each tear I have shed.
But that doesn't mean anything because I'm numb; my heart is cold.
All I can hear is the pitter patter of each drop, as the harsh winds whip across my fair skin - my hair whipping my face leaving a slight red mark. I feel no more pain, my body is numb.
There is no point anymore.
My mind is gone.
I give up.
I tell myself.
I give up.
I shiver.
I drop my head in disgust of myself. Nothing is right anymore. I'd been living in my own fairy tale for far too long and it was about time that I snapped back into this brutal reality.
My heart is thumping and beating at a faster rate than it usually should be. I take another step; I bite down on my lip, and clench my jaw as my hands cross into a fist. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath as I feel the last bit of wind.
I jump.
I feel a grin of triumph on my face and I stare at the two lights racing towards me.
The horn blares loudly but it fades away as I close my eyes for good.
