The Fic Where Stephen Realizes He's Gay From a Picnic

Introduction

Stephen lies awake, unable to catch sleep and catch up on some well-needed thinking time all at once. Ever since him and his friends had a picnic last week, he's been... Contemplating.

It was a scorching, clear day out— It's summer after all. Dan, Hosuh, and Jay agreed that it'd been far too long, which was a week, since they'd all hung out. Stephen was sweet-talked into coming along. By sweet-talked, Dan promised to buy everyone ice cream, and he wasn't going to miss out on that. Besides, hanging out with your closest friends isn't that bad. Until it is.

They were all sitting under the shade of the leaves of a large oak tree at a local park, crows taking interest but not coming near. The sun was peeking through the spaces of the leaves as Jay kept trying to rant about all the problems YouTube has with it's system while Dan's continuously cutting him off. Looking between his friends, his eyes land on Hosuh, who had started laughing at Jay's disgruntlement. He didn't like guys, at least he didn't think so. Yet when he saw how Hosuh's eyes smiled in time his lips, he couldn't help but stare, thinking of how beautiful he was.

It pisses him off.

Now he's here, still awake at 11PM when he should've been sleeping an hour ago, but he's not just mad about usual sleep schedule being thrown out the window. He's mad that he doesn't understand why this is happening now. If he was gonna have a crisis about his sexuality, why couldn't it have been in highschool instead of now, at the ripe age of twenty-three?! He readjusts his pillow, trying to find comfort in something, since it sure as hell won't be a person giving him such. Stephen would be damned if the day came that he talked to his friends about feelings. Euck. He tries to refocus on the topic at hand instead of trailing off, running some questions through his head.

Why do I feel like this now? Well, a lot of people have 'late awakenings' like this, I'm not the first. How about why did I feel like that? He just looked pretty, that's all. Why did I use pretense for that question? I think the thought was just a one time thing, I'm not actively crushing on Hosuh, it's just that when he smiles like that he's looks so beautiful. I feel like that everytime he smiles, it's nothing new. Wait, it's nothing new?

Stephen's mind is flooded with thoughts of Hosuh, unable to drag himself out of it to continue working this out in his head. He thinks back to when his dorm mates got drunk, having to babysit all three of them for some time. Jay had gone to pass out in bed, while Stephen was with Dan and Hosuh on the couch. Dan wasn't tired in the slightest, full attention on the television. But Hosuh was on the verge of nodding off, and Stephen could remember his tired smile accompanied by his bright eyes, and his long silver hair that rested on his shoulders, messy from Dan's repetitive playful ruffling. Thinking about it now feels like too much. It's as if someone just set a cooler full of lava onto his heart. A sickly mix of cool and hot, all the heat rushing to his face and hands, while everything else was cold. Stephen's no stranger to embarrassment, but with the context of the situation it holds a whole different meaning.

Strands from his purple mohawk fall in his vision as he readjusts his sleeping position. So maybe he does like Hosuh a little more than the average person should. Maybe he does think he's beautiful, or pretty, or whatever. Maybe he does appreciate his company, and how into videogames he gets, and how he's always so willing to spend his own time helping his friends, and... Yeah. This is a problem. A problem Stephen isn't about to tackle all at once.

With struggle, he waits for sleep to engulf his brain.