little by little

guilty glances

Maybe he was desperate.

He wanted her to look at him, give him her attention, talk to him.

Or maybe he was still confused.

He did stupid things to get her to laugh at him, to smile at him, to talk to him.

Or, if he was honest...

He constantly gravitated toward her, asked her questions about herself, drank in details.

Maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.

He made excuses to be around her, to invite her places, to see her.

And maybe he didn't want to stop.

"Marinette," Adrien said for maybe the hundredth time that day, sidling up to her with a stupid grin, "how do you think you did on the test?"

Marinette curled in on herself with a small whimper. "I have no idea," she admitted, sighing and loosening the grip she had on her textbooks. "I studied for it, but you know how I am with chemistry."

Adrien barely managed to bite back the "I know we have plenty of chemistry" comment that jumped to the tip of his tongue. Really, it was much too Chat Noir of him.

Instead, Adrien settled a hand on her shoulder with a comforting smile. "I'm sure you did great. After all, we spent almost seven hours studying on Saturday."

Marinette cracked a smile. "Alya was going stir-crazy within five minutes."

"I think she whooped when she got a notification for an akuma attack."

Marinette laughed at that—full, and loud, and beautiful, and blindingly bright. "Any excuse to escape studying too hard, and she's on it. I can't really blame her, though." She sent him a devastating grin. "I welcomed the distraction, too."

If Adrien tripped over thin air, Marinette didn't notice or was too nice to say anything about it.

He followed her into the classroom and took his seat behind her; it was the one class where he could stare at her without having to crane his neck.

To his surprise, she turned and settled her arms on his desk. "How do you think you did?" It was rare for her to pursue further conversation if he didn't initiate it, so the heat that rose to his cheeks came unbidden and unexpected.

"Um," he floundered, wishing he could slip out from under the weight of her blue gaze, "I mean, I think I did well. Some of it was newer content, but I was already taught a good portion of the material."

Marinette nodded. "Yeah, you seemed to know what you were doing." She smiled teasingly. "You probably didn't even need that study session on Saturday."

Busted. "Well, I—"

Luckily, their history professor walked in and saved him from having to come up with something convincing to say.

There were moments throughout the day that Adrien caught himself. Where guilt rose up in him like a tidal wave and overtook him. What was he thinking? What was he doing? And, most frequently, why was he doing it?

Marinette was just the type of person you wanted to look at you, he reasoned after a fifteen minute mental debate. Her gaze was simply magical because she was sunshine. Yes. That was it.

It was weird to feel like he had to vie for her regard; when he was Chat Noir, he had her undivided attention (outside of when she had her sketchbook out). In school, though, he had to work to get her to give him a second glance. And that was with him being one of her closer friends (with Alya and Nino, of course)!

But he had moments of consciousness where he wondered if maybe all he was doing was unjustified; that his competition against others was really just him thinking he had to fight for her. Did he? Why?

Then these questions melted into the fog of distraction that school and, ironically, Marinette provided.

His momentary guilt hit him hardest when he caught a glimpse of Ladybug later that night. He ducked behind a chimney before she could see him, clutching his chest. It speared him with shocking clarity that she'd rarely made an appearance in his daydreams all day; she usually occupied and controlled the forefront of his mind.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he'd been thinking about her less and less. The occasional thought or lingering sensation of her tickled him in a warm spot, but it usually drifted away shortly after and failed to make a reappearance.

He shook his head. No, he'd made a commitment, and failing to follow through would make him look like the fickle cat Ladybug already teased that he was. There was no way the feelings he had for her had faded! Not when he'd been feeling the brunt of them for the better part of two years.

It was a ridiculous thought.

Chat nearly missed his next jump when Ladybug called out to him.

"Chat!" she shouted from eight rooftops away, yo-yo gripped in one hand. "I've been looking for you!"

She has?

"You have?" he repeated aloud, watching her soar toward him.

She landed in a perfect dismount as if it was nothing. When she straightened, she was smiling at him. "Yeah! I've been meaning to ask you about something."

Chat's mind immediately went to Marinette, and he could feel his face heating.

No, you moron! Act natural!

Chat nodded with a pained smile. "Yes—mm sure. What is up?"

Well.

Ladybug's smile turned into a frown. "Are you okay?"

Chat nodded again, lips pursed shut.

"I just wanted to know about your patrol route, was all..."

Chat heaved a sigh of relief.

"And Marinette, of course. How is she?"

It would be an understatement to say that Chat choked. He bent at the waist, hacking coughs wracking his body as he planted his hands on his knees for support.

When he craned his neck up at Ladybug, she looked less concerned and more amused. His expression flattened. "You did that on purpose," he accused under his breath, straightening and turning away from her with his hands crossed over his chest. "Does your cruelty know no bounds, Bugaboo?"

Ladybug danced around him, a grin lighting up her face. "What's the matter, kitty-cat? Nothing to say?"

He sent her a glare before turning away again.

"Cat got your tongue?"

He startled at that and whirled on her. "No cat puns!" he begged, falling to his knees with unmatched dramatic flair. "Have mercy!"

Ladybug rolled her eyes. "Ha-ha. I say one cat pun—"

Chat, glad to have dragged the topic away from Marinette, took the opportunity to challenge Ladybug to a race to the Eiffel Tower.

By the time patrol was over and they were saying their goodbyes, Chat realized that the butterflies in his chest hadn't stirred nearly as much as they should have in such close quarters with his spotted partner. Instead, they rested inside of him, dormant, and twitching when his mind touched on stray thoughts of a girl on a balcony.

He wondered if she could see them dancing through the night, and with immense guilt, he wished he'd been dancing with her.