Silver Currents of Change

Chapter 32

Being in love with a wonderful man who loved her and who already told her he wanted to marry her made Zarah so blissfully happy, it took two days for her to get her head out of the clouds when she and Harvey got back from Hawaii. She needed a huge dose of reality to bring her back to earth completely, so when Marcus Patterson called asking to take her to lunch, she accepted. They went to My Magnolia, a black-owned downtown establishment located near WPI. It was one of her favorite downtown spots, and it was the first time she and Marcus had seen each other since she got back from New York.

After lunch, they were walking to his car when her friend's voice cut through a thick silence that had somehow settled between them since dessert.

"You didn't say anything about this during lunch," he said, "But I'm going to ask you anyway. Is it true?"

Based on the suspicion she saw in his eyes as he looked at her, she had an inkling he might know her secret. Still, she wasn't about to reveal anything she didn't have to. She'd become an expert at keeping her private life private.

"Is what true?"

"Look. I'm only asking because I'm concerned about you. This is really personal, and you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. Are you really ... involved, with Harvey? Because that's what I've heard. And I'm hoping it's not true."

"Who told you that?"

"So you're not denying it, and you're clearly disturbed. I guess that tells me all I need to know."

"Why would you ask me that?"

"Don't worry about why I'm asking. I'm just asking you if it's true."

Zarah thought about how Marcus was still months away from getting his undergraduate degree. She was four years younger, was finishing up two master's degrees, and was getting ready to start working on a doctorate. He'd accepted a job, a good paying one that she turned down, and on top of all that, now he knew she was sleeping with Harvey. She felt like what happened next would be the ultimate test of their friendship.

"Please don't tell anybody, Marcus. Please let me tell the people I love."

He was trying hard not to let it show, but she could tell from his demeanor as they walked, and from how he was refusing to look at her, that he was heartsick with hurt. He looked down and then away from her. 

"I won't tell anyone," he said. "I promise."

When they got to his car, a brand new Audi Q7 SUV, he busied himself with helping her into the front passenger seat. "You know. There was a time," he said, leaning in to help her with her seat belt, "when my being able to buy a car like this would have impressed you. But when I picked you up in this today, you didn't say anything about it. I have a real job now, and I can easily afford a nice car and a nice place to live in a nice neighborhood, but I guess I still can't impress you."

"I'm sorry. It's really nice, and I am impressed. But mostly I'm happy for you. But I always knew you'd be successful, and, well. I guess I just have a whole lot on my mind."

"Is that it? Or has the change already started?"

"What change?"

"Your new boyfriend can buy a fleet of new Audi's for everybody in Jackson. Don't even try to tell me something like that is not going to change you."

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For a moment, she couldn't look at him. He hoped she was feeling like a hypocrite. He hoped she was replaying in her mind the last conversation the two of them had, just as he was. She had balled him out for dating a white girl. And now he hoped she knew he was looking at her as the one who had jumped ship. As soon as he slid into the driver's seat, it started raining, hard, with no advance notice. Big drops of water were splattering against his windshield, even though the sun was shining everywhere. Even the "new car smell" of his Audi wasn't making him feel good, the way it had earlier that day. Watching the sun shining through the rain, he turned on the ignition while thinking about something his grandmother used to say. She said when it rained while the sun was out, it meant the devil was whipping his wife. He didn't know if it was true, but he sure felt like the devil was whipping him. For years, he'd hoped against hope there was still a chance for him and her, and now he wasn't even sure he knew who she was anymore.