One More Time

/ You're like a boy delirious

Matthew Healy

"Sing with me, Jamie"

I stare into her eyes and she looked at me with that innocence and she shook her head at me "No, Matty.. Im not singing" she says and I started humming the last part of the song The City.. I look at her and her eyes were staring back at me, she bit her lips. She does that most of the time when she's unsure of doing things, something I've grown accustomed to.
"Yea and she said.. It's your birthday, are you feeling alright.." I started and I watched her as her features softened and she started humming along with me. It was a landslide win when she starts singing along with me. Her voice soft and it sounded normal to me.. Nothing like a dying cow as she interpreted. I was hitting the last part and stopped when she squeezed her eyes shut, her cheeks a shade of pink "sorry I ruined it" she says to me as she reopened her beautiful eyes. I smiled down at her "no. It's alright.. not xfactor material but it was alright" I tell her and she sighs.

"Jamie"

I called her name again and I like the way it sounded when I say it. "Im not singing another song with you, Matty" she says and I shrugged "no.. I just wanted to thank you for the kiss" I say. I don't know what I'm doing, but my brain felt like saying that and my mouth just blurted it out. Like I have no control on my actions. But it felt right. "what kiss?" she says her face mirroring confusion and I smiled, before dipping my head and my lips met hers.

*

"Matt, we'll remove your neck brace since your scans show no trace of any fracture or anything major.." the doctor informs me and I stare at his back as he sterilizes his hands with some sanitizer and he faces me. I was seated on a high bed with George by the chair across the room. He was the only available person as of today so I asked him to accompany me for my weekly checkups. The doctor finally gave the go signal for removing the damned brace off my neck after a few weeks.

"Are you having some difficulty with anything? How are you holding up?" the doctor asks as he carefully removed the brace off my neck and the cool air hits my nape as the material was finally removed from my neck. He touches my neck and feels it and I craned it towards his direction. "nothing out of the ordinary.. I'm handling okay.." I lied and I saw George look at me through sympathetic eyes. "Like I said. If you needed anything.. a person to talk to at least, I've got some numbers of psychiatrists you may want to see.. Just in case--" I cut him off with a groan "No I don't think I need to talk to anyone about anything" I tell him and he sighs.

"No suicidal thoughts? Not anything? Have you had alcohol intake? Or drugs even?" he asks and I hated it that he was probing to much, pushing my buttons with every single question. "A few beers, but nothing major. And no.. no drugs" I shrugged but I know he knew I do things. George stood beside me "we're watching over him.. He's not a boy, Doc.. I mean, he's got us and his family.. he even has his therapist! So.. maybe we should you know.. give him some space and all" he comes to my rescue, bless this man. "just looking out for him, his mother is very concerned. I saw bruises on your skin.. your knees even. How is that?" the doctor asks again and I sighed "I was left alone for a while.. I simply lost balance. May we leave now?" I say, my patience running low. He sighs and he pulls out some paper and writes a note "Just have someone buy you these to help you with proper bone healing.. vitamins and such. You're good to go. We'll hopefully get your cast off by a month or so.." He says handing me the sheet and I grunt a short thank you as reply.

"Exact reason I hate hospitals mate.. see how people probe you like some organism under a microscope" I say as George drives us back to my flat "eh.. the man's a doctor. It's his job to probe and watch you." he answers. "but anyways.. why did you really fall?" he asks and I groan "stupid bath.." I mumble and he glances at me for a second before chuckling "you should know better than getting a bath by yourself, Matt" he tells me and I lift my hands up in annoyance "George! Not you too? seriously this is out of hand" I waved my hands at him and he laughs "what the hell? Are you high on something? Did you therapist do anything to you?" he asks and I shake my head.

"That woman is bizarre by all means.. imagine this. I'm at the most awkward and horrible position of being bent down, kneeling on the cold tile floor of the bathroom stark naked with my ass in full view.. then she comes to my rescue but instead she screams like bloody murder and what happens next?" I ramble at him and he laughs hitting the steering wheel with his hand "literally butt naked?! oh my god. Now that's a sight to see! What did she do? The poor thing.." he say and I roll my eyes "nothing, I asked her not to look and just leave me alone to bathe and wallow in self pity and sadness.." I groan "of course you didn't say that.." he adds and I chuckled "no.. but still. She saw me naked." I say.

"I'll go ahead mate, you sure you'd handle things from here?" George asks me as he stood by the doorpost to my flat. I nod at him and gave him a small smile "yea.. I'm sure. Go home, it's late anyways.. I'll text you and the guys.." I say to him and he pats my shoulder "okay.. if you need anything don't hesitate on calling me.. or maybe you need your therapist to help you out?" He says and I shrugged "like I said mate, she's bizarre. She doesn't own a phone!" I tell him and he laughs, his laughter echoing thru the empty halls outside "no way! Wow that's so odd.. well. Alright then. Just give us a call.. good night" he says before giving me another pat on the shoulder and he left.

The door shuts with a silent click and I faced the darkness of my flat. The only light was of the cars and street lights from outside as it streams from the windows. The silence was almost deafening as I limped with the crutches across the hall to the living room. I sat down carefully on the couch and switched on the telly, maybe something interesting to watch just to clear and keep my mind off of things.
"On tonight's news.." the news anchor says in that monotone voice and I sighed heavily as I rubbed my face with both my hands. It was the same news from this morning.. not that I watch them frequently but lately, this seems to be a ritual of some sort. Jamie used to watch the news alot when she comes over, and I find some sort of comfort when I watch it too.. thinking if she were alive, we would probably watch it together.

"matty..."

A soft almost inaudible voice says and I shut my eyes, willing it away. I rubbed at my face and "Im hearing things again.." I mumble to myself "you've had a tiring week.." she says to me and I look behind me, only to see the darkness and the shadows the light from the television creates. "always.. not being with you is tiring." I say as I close my eyes again and I heard her faint laughter.. Like it's echoing thru the halls, the same way it did when she came over. "I miss you alot.. a whole fucking lot" I say to nobody and its like I feel the softest caress on my cheek and before I knew it, I was asleep..

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