They've finished school and left Hogwarts for good for barely a few weeks when James's parents lose their battle against their illness. On an unbearably hot summer day, the funeral takes place. Everyone avoids the others' eyes, especially James's – only Lily seems to know what he needs, so Remus leaves her to take care of James.
"Padfoot?" Remus calls softly as he strolls around the backyard of the Potters' mansion.
There's no answer, but Sirius is there, sitting on a lone bench, staring down at the unkempt grass, looking like a lost child.
"Sirius," Remus says.
Sirius's head jerks up and Remus finds it difficult to hold his gaze. The grey eyes, as hard as steel, seem to want to bear a hole into his.
"What do you want?"
Sirius's voice is rough and hoarse, and Remus wonders for how long Sirius has been sitting there alone.
"How are you feeling?"
Sirius chuckles mirthlessly. "Wonderful."
Remus stares at the grey eyes and they are redder than usual; Remus considers the disturbing possibility that Sirius might have been crying.
"I know they were like your parents," Remus says quietly.
Sirius nods slowly. "Like my parents, yes. Makes all the difference, doesn't it? I can't break down today, even if I don't know how I can stand all this… I need to look alright so that James can grieve properly. If he saw me like this, if he knew what I really feel then he could not bear it."
Remus frowns as he suddenly realizes how much Sirius has grown up for the past months.
"It's unfair," Remus says.
He sits down next to Sirius and puts his arm around his shoulders. Sirius shrugs his arm off. His jaw is clenched, the storm in his eyes raging.
"I'm fine," Sirius says roughly. "I'm fine. I'll go back inside; I see Prongs is getting surrounded by too many relatives."
Sirius stands up and walks away.
"Sirius, I –"
"Remus, you can't understand," Sirius says without turning.
"But you don't even let me try!" Remus retorts exasperatedly.
Sirius is gone.
