chapter 3 : pain
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Tyler's pov :
Everything is fucked up and I am sick of it .
I have decided that this hot , burning , inescapable pain is the worst .
This pain comes when you finally begin to relax , you finally breathe , thinking that the pain is yesterday's problem , when in fact , it's today's problem, tommorows and everyday after that.
This pain comes when you pour everything into something , into someone and they betray you .
The pain crushes you and you feel as if you are barely Breathing .
You're barely holding on to that small fraction of whatever is left inside of you begging you to go on not to give up .
Well if you're lucky enough though you can confide in someone else and trust them to pull you out of the pain .
Pain is one of those hideous places that you once visited , you think you have escaped you are permanently branded
But ,
If you like me and don't have anyone to depend on , no one to take your hand and assure you that you will make it through this hell you find other ways , different ways to make you feel even more pain , than the pain you going though.
A single tear slips out of my eyes and I put a blade deep into my forearm , over and over again until my arm goes numb and I feel lightheaded .
I sit down on my bed and let the blood run down my arm .
As eyes close on their own accord.
****
"TYLER!!"My eyes flutter open as I hear my mother shouting.
My mouth is dry .
"yes?" I say my voice is hoarse and hurts when I attempt to speak .
"wake up already , you have been sleeping for almost 4 hours".
I slowly stand up .
"obviously I'm awake if I answered you" I answer back attempting to shout but not to loud .
I look at my forearm , my blood red forearm .
It stopped bleeding and is now just dry blood on my skin with cuts under.
It stung but the pain was handleable I shaked my head .
It was pounding , my eyes were red and puffy and looked as if I had barely slept for days .
I put on a jacket and dragged myself to the bathroom .
I took my cellphone with me and put it on a little bench next to the shower and started playing music .
[ NF :3am ]
Call me at 3am telling me I could be the one oh yeah , baby I was in love from the outside , yes I ain't what you want no more , if you got someone else inside of your mind yeah that's good for you I'm happy , if you got someone that makes you smile than I ever did , yeah thats great I don't like that
"I don't like that no , I don't like that , why you acting shady on me" I sing along as the music plays , the warm water running all over my body.
I feel content as the pain subsides
****
After bathing , I felt a little better and decided to dress myself in warm clothing that covers my now fresh cuts then decided to go to the shop to buy me some cigerrettes .
"Why is your clothes so thick?"my mother asks as I step out of my room
"it's cold" I tell my mother .
She rolls her eyes at me .
"I'm going to the shop then to Kayla for a while" I tell her.
"okay then just don't come home late"my mother added .
"okay"I say as I step out the door .
****
"hey ty" Kayla says as I enter her house
"hey kay" I called Kayla by her nickname .
The rest of the day myself and Kayla spent smoking and listening to music .
time pass
When I got home , I plugged in my headphones and started listening to music .
what a day I thought to myself , what a day I thought to myself .
what a day indeed.
Then I drifted off to sleep .
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Edited : Monday , May 10th
