Sometimes you question your relevance in people's lives.
Have I always been this invisible?
What was their reason for hanging out with me in the first place?.
Have I always been the outsider?
Have I always been the forgettable one?
What was I there for?
To make the others feel better about themselves?
To prove that they can be nicer to someone out of their group?
Poor little old Ijeoma,
The outcast of the group,
Nothing special to look at,
Never the big baller or the spender,
Always relying on others to pay for things
Always isolated cause I couldn't really afford to have fun,
Always by my self,
Always alone.
Since birth, I've never felt significant to anyone except my parents and even before my Lil sis was born, I've always been closer to my parents than to any friend.
My mum is still the one that phones all the time,asks me how my day went and knows when I'm upset and sad.
But I've been ignoring her all this time cause I pursed friendship with my age mates.
Now I'm alone,Isolated and she's not around to make me feel better.
Maybe I don't really need anyone but that doesn't make it hurt less.
I've been living with false hopes and expectations,
I'm tired of people switching up on me
And making me realize that I'm not worthy of their company.
The pain is not worth it at all,
So I'm done.
But I know that I care too much to be really done with them,
Cause after a half hearted apology I'd hurriedly agree to be friends again,
Become the lapdog isn't fun.
The repetitive cycle begins again...
