Growing up has been a very stressful journey for me. I've always felt inadequate in many ways, being among the youngest in class didn't make things easier for me. Born in a family were having an excellent grade was all that mattered and never paying attention to my interest, ive always been shielded in a way, always wanting to conform to the image created by my family.
I was a meek, quiet and obedient child, I didnt have any one closer to my age around me and that made me create a nervous habit of talking fast and too much when around my peers, depression hit quick for me , I couldn't cope with the secondary school stress and failures because I was used to being the best and I finally found competition, being among the youngest means puberty coming later than others.
Having feelings for the male species at the time proved to be a waste of time, most of them preferred my friends and to be honest I even envied them. Always having people compare me to others, hearing different forms of criticism everyday, it killed me and I didn't have anyone to talk to.
I had different people that befriended me to get to my friends and at a point I didn't care until I cared about one of them. I couldn't compare to the friend he was after and that made me reevaluate everything, having to be the second choice, halfhearted proposals and all that.
I was criticized for a lot of things like the size of my boobs, lack of hips, broader nose, birthmark, style and other unmentionables even by my so called boyfriend
I remember this particular day when I decided to dress up for my lessons and I actually felt proud of my self only for someone to ask me if I decided to take my friends closet, it was by God's grace that I didn't shed a single tear until i got home.
Being in uni hasn't changed much about me, still the same human with trust issues, bullying and low self esteem.
My results suffered and my self esteem suffered.
What hit me the most was when the rumors started,
I got painted into a bad picture and people said a lot of shit that they heard,
I made a new friend
She everything I wanted to be
Cool, beautiful and popular,
But she wasn't the best kinda friend,
I had to bear years of indirect insults that were thrown in my face,
Had to do everything she asked to hang out with her, she had her nice days but I was miserable.
