Breathe

Chapter 1

In. Out.
In. Out.
In. Out.

I kept repeating the mantra in my head, just breath. Sounds easy right? Breathing. We all do it. When we wake up, when we're asleep, from our first few seconds in the world, to our last, we breath.

So why can't I?

I think I'm breathing. Well, I know I am, it just feels like I'm not. Take in the air, then let it go again. I feel the cold, crisp air meet my mouth. The taste of snow littering my tounge, but that air, that freshness doesn't reach my lungs, that cool refreshing breeze just seems to vanish somewhere inbetween.

And God is it infuriating.

Sweat somehow builds up on my skin, my palms slick, my forehead dripping, and I'm  not afraid to admit that my armpits are a bit damp too.

Despite the freezing, negative degree weather, I was dripping from sweat, my breath laboured, as if I had run a marathon, and my anxiety levels were blowing through the roof.

That's all that's causing this. A stupid bout of anxiety. I don't even know what tipped me off the edge this time.

Maybe because it my first day of junior year.

Perhaps it's because I'm going to a new school.

For all I know it could be because of the stupid winter weather.

The smallest things set me off now, so walking to school I always go early. This way I can: 1) settle my mind, knowing I won't be late, and,  2) in the event something like this happening, a panic attack, I can slow down for a minute or two, to collect my thoughts.

I place my bag on a bench on the sidewalk next to me. Slumping down on the bench myself after. My shaking fingers fumble with the zip of the front pocket on my bag. Wether it be from the weather or my panic attack I don't know.

Once the zip finally slides open, I retrieve my phone and earphones. Carefully plugging the earphones in, I place the buds in my ears, and with my still jittering fingers, I scroll onto Spotify. I need music, it always calms me down.

Finding some of the songs on really into at the moment I press play. 'Alone' by Alan Walker streams through my ears, and already I an feel myself calm down.

After a few more minutes of music, my limbs start to relax again, and I feel confident enough to walk. On steady legs, I stand, snatching up my bag at the same time. With a small hop in my step, due to the beat of the music, I clear the tears from my cheeks and continue to walk.

Within the next few minutes of walking in the slushy ice I reach my new school. Bayview High. Doesn't really sound like a place for snow. I silently tug my earphones out my ears once I pause my music, and shove both items into my jacket pocket.

Once I step through the school gates, I drag my hood over my head. Trying to hide myself from the eyes I already knew were peering my way.

I weave my way through the school parking lot, avoiding all cars, people, and most importantly, conversation. Because apparently, being the new girl, made me interesting to talk to. God help me.

Climbing the few short steps up to the main building, I push the doors open. Luckily, not many students were loitering in the halls, making my awkward entry, and confused searching for the main office less public.

Making my way cautiously through the student scattered halls, I keep my eyes peeled for the hidden office. The door finally caught my eye, and I made a b'line for it.

I gaze through the glass, before giving a light knock on the wood. A lady looks up from her steady stare on the computer, and gives me a friendly smile. Grasping the door handle, I push it down and enter.

"Well hello sweetie! What can I do for you?" The lady exclaims. I shuffle my way to the desk, smiling a little at her excitement.

"Um, I'm new, and haven't received my schedule yet, I was told to go to the main office..." I trail off as a giant grin spreads across her face. I told my head to the side, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

She seems to snap out of her trance as she starts to speak, "Sorry your accent is so cute, British right? Where are you from?"

I weakly roll my eyes, that's all I've gotten since I have arrived here, and it's getting old.

I mumble my response while mentioning my time table a little louder, "Worthing, by the South coast, umm about my timetable?"

She smiles again while looking down at her computer, "Uhh.... Junior year? Katie Brown, yes?" She asks glancing up at me.

Nodding, I reply, "Yeah, that's me." She turns to grab my freshly printed schedule. Handing it over to me she sighs under her desk.

"Because we haven't seen you do a year of physical education yet, you are required to do this year, although we will provide the kit." She tells me while giving me an apologetic smile. I just shrug at her while taking the small kit bag out her hand.

I thank her one last time and make my way out the small office room. Time to find my locker in this monster of a school, oh joy.

Finally discovering my English class room I stop for a second, and take a breath. I wasn't late, because I had arrived early, but a few students were already making their way into class rooms.

Following the crowd, I slip into the class room. Weaving through students who were all giving me odd looks.

This may be a new year, 2019, but for me, this is a new school and school year. So to everyone else I am arriving half way through the school year, in January.

I find a seat at the back, in the very corner by the window. Placing my bag down on the desk, I fish out my books needed.

Despite knowing my locker number I decided not to go find it, in fears of being late to class, you could call me a nerd I guess...

Decanting my phone and earphones into my bag, I hook the straps onto the back of my chair and sit down in my seat, praying no one will notice me.

The class room slowly starts to fill up, and I check my watch to see what time it is, looking up from the doodles on my page.

Before I can check however, I feel a breath on my neck, and freeze.

"I think you're in my seat, Sweetheart."