Love Yourself No Matter What

Nothing gets better If you always blame yourself

I knew this wasnt how I wanted my life to turn out. But I was scared to ask for help when I needed it. I'd just wipe away my tears and try to get through the next day. I knew my family was disappointed in me, I mean I was disappointed in me! But what was I suppose to do, I'm broken and I know that. But nobody else knows that. I hide myself behind a smile. My eyes use to twinkle when I saw something that made me happy, but now I can't find those things. I look around me and see families laughing and enjoying life, and then I look at mine and notice how my parents were never married and they had three kids and then seperated when I was four. I see my mom and step dad fighting and then my sisters and I huddled in our rooms sometimes crying, sometimes cussing out the world for doing this to us. Maybe I can't find happiness because I never knew what happiness was. I don't remember my parents being happy because they split when I was to young to even know what love was. My mom and step dad always fought. My entire extended family never talks and when they do they are complaining about other family  members that are never around. I'll look back to the time things were perfect and then realize I can't find any. So now all I do is wait for my perfect memories to come back to me because maybe I just can't remember them, and then I realize I'm missing out on life now. I'm thirteen years old, i'm supposed to be hanging out with my friends and talking about boys. But instead I'm wondering why my family hates me. Faking sick so I can miss school. Its almost the end of the school year and my principal is threatening to press truant charges on me. I know I messed up somewhere along the way, but I don't know when. So I pause and go through all my old memories and realize why I'm not happy. Its not me, It was never me. I realize all the times my stepdad and mom fought. I realize that both my parents are seperated and theres nothing I can do about that. I realize my entire extended family hates eachother. It was not my fault. I just had no one to lead me the right way because all of my family was focused on trying to find something to hate. I smile knowing none of this was my fault. I take a deep breath and finally let all of it out.  I cry and cry and cry. I wipe the tears away and smile. I'm finally ready too move on with my life because I know that I'm not going to get anywhere if I continue to hate on myself. If you guys are feeling down just remember its was not your fault.