Cook & Effy: Five Years Later

Months.

How did I end up in this room?

"Push Panda Push!" Thomas yelled.

Oh yeah, Panda held on to me fall life and wouldn't let go unless I went with her.

She still clutched my jumper as she pushed her kid out. I had my head turned against the wall, refusing to look. The sound of crying filled the air. I turned to look and instantly regretted it. All I saw was blood. Lots of blood.

I gagged.

They pulled the baby out and Thomas cut the cord.

"How's he look Eff?"

I peered around the doctor. "Wow. Like you."

"Really?"

I nodded and moved aside to let her, and Thomas have a moment with their son.

Thomas Junior. T.J.

I wonder if Cook and I had a child would he want him to be named after—what am I thinking right now! We just established our relationship and I'm already thinking about children. It would be like us to have kids before marriage. Panda and Thomas did it right. Good for them.

"How's Panda and the baby?"

"Good. They're both good."

All of our friends were gathered in the waiting area. Panda went into labor in the middle of the night. We've all been here for hours and we're pretty tired.

I sat down next to Cook and leaned on his shoulder.

"You about ready to go Eff?"

I nod slowly half asleep.

I woke up in bed which means I fell asleep in the car ride home.

I had the strangest dream...

"You're awake." Cook came in with a beer and a smoke. "You were asleep for a while."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I like watching you sleep. You look peaceful when you sleep."

"I had a weird dream."

"What kind of dream?"

I should probably leave out me dreaming of a relationship with both him and Freddie. Kind of like college. But more adult.

"Freddie being alive."

He smiled, "I sometimes dream him too."

I took his beer and sipped it.

"It's okay to miss him Eff. Miss the relationship you had with him. I miss him all the time."

"have you ever talked to someone about what happened? With Dr. Foster?"

He shakes his head and takes his beer back.

"Can you talk about with me?"

He stalls.

"If you don't want to that's fine."

"No, that's not it. If I talk about it, it'll be with you. I just don't like to think about it. Finding out he was dead. Hearing him tell me to run."

"Wait, what? You heard him? That night?"

"Yeah."

"Bloody hell. I thought I was crazy."

"What?"

"I used to hear him too. Faintly, like whispers. Mostly when I was locked up. Now, not so much."

"I know you'll always love him, more than you'll love me."

"That's not true."

Our eyes locked.

"Yes, in college. Because to me all we were was sex. I had real feelings for Freddie, and I was scared of them. I feel people love me more than I love them, and I hate that about myself. It makes me feel like a user. But if you asked me how I feel about you now? The boy who's been there for me even when I didn't want him to be. I'd say he was my everything. I'd say this is the first relationship I've been in that's even remotely close to healthy. And he's the only one I can picture my life with."

"Would you marry me one day?"

I smile, "Yeah. I probably would."

"Then marry me."