Dreaming of Death

Chapter 4

The next day in biology, he wasn't there. this saddened me to put it simply. After I had rescued him from the rain, we talked. Well, in a way where he talked and i mostly.. listened. And responded silently.

We both enjoyed ourselbes. I wasn't afraid to admit. At the point where I drove him home, I was mostly scared about the next day at school. What would it be like ? Were we friends?

So I sat there. By myself; once again ignored by the human race. No one cared about me. I found myself delving into the black abyss. That same black abyss that nearly takes me under every time. It seemed that only Damon could fish me out of that dark whole.

The seconds ticked, and the hour dragged. Each moment in that class it got worse. My emotions were heightened and I had no control over the onslaught of tears that overwhelmed me. I couldn't believe i was tearing up over the presence of a measly boy that I had just met.

Abandoned. He had abandoned me. He decided I wasn't worth the time or effort. Where was he? I thirsted for his presence like a plant needs water, or a sky needs clouds.

"Umm, you're crying..." Stated the girl sitting nearest to me. I hadn't even bothered to remember her name. But i figured at one point I had seen her before. I shot her a look of my guttaral anger. She knew I couldn't talk. Everyone knew that i couldn't talk. What did she expect of me? What did the world think I could reply with?

With a gut wrenching burst of adrenaline, I shot our of my chair. I was a bullet and I'd never look back. I could see the teacher hopelessly trying to lull me back in.

Striding forward, I decided I wouldn't lose sight of my destination, where ever that was. Once i hit the main hallway i sauntered slowly. Blurs of flashing color; the kids that thought they were so cool because they skipped class and the monitering hall faculty, that never really monitored anything other than the TVs hanging near the threshold of the building.

Woozily, almost faint like, I opened the fire alarm exit door, which never rang when opened. The trees called to me. They sang me the song of their people; the lonely feeling of being used for shelter to this mayhem of a building. 

Secluded. I went to that lonesome tree that grew proudly alone on the outskirts of the parking lot. This tree knew more about me than anyone probably. It sat patiently with me, comforting me. Like the friend I never had.

I was an emotional wreck beyond proporrtion. I wondered. Maybe Damon was sick today.. or maybe his schedule had been enthusiastically changed to be rid of the mute girl. Or maybe he died. If I had to choose I'd choose the last of the fates for him.

Death is the only peace we'll ever reach. We're all just living to die anyway. Death is quiet. It's a place no one can reach you, or judge you, or make you feel the way i do.

I sat there for the rest of the school day, and maybe even a little after. I wasn't sure about the time, but i knew i didn't care.

"Why are you out here by yourself?" He asked.

It was Dwight. He was popular. Not much to say other than he wasn't the type to talk to me, or give me the time of day, or be nice. I sat there, slowly withering away under the pressure of his gaze.

"Oh yeah. You can't talk." He said unenthusiastically, "Well you shouldn't just sit out here. Go make a friend or two. How bout... You be my bestfriend?" 

His eyes glittered with alternate intentions. Never would I trust him. I shook my head distinctly and turned away, facing the wind. It blew through my stringy hair. I loved the feeling of confidence the sudden gust had given me.

"Okay then." He paused, "Well I guess I'll see you around." He said nonchalantly as he quickly ran back to his group of jocks. He glanced back once, and I could a sliver of dissapointment in his eyes. 

I casually leaped up and walked sullenly to my car. 

At home i layed dying on my bed. Looking out the window i could see the neighbors in their back yard, not very well fenced, and i noticed the smoke rising clearly. One of the kids next door was 15, and seemed to be home alone with his friends over. Suspicious. This reminded me very much of my past from when i was 15.

I don't know what lead me to do it. I walked outside barefoot, adorned in my ratty tshirt and sweatpants. Coming to the threshold of the gate, I knocked.

With both eyes and mouths gaping, the freshmen group of guys welcomed me in to their group. Of course I couldn't talk, but they knew what i wanted. They handed me a joint and i puffed with all my lung power. They went on with their basic conversation, but one of them, i think named Jeremy, kept glancing at me with scrutiny.

Maybe 3 blunts later, when the high started kicking in, Jeremy finally talked to me. 

"So aren't you the girl that slept with all those guys last year?" All the guys smacked him around playfully and told him to shut it, but i just gazed with wonder. Freshmen knew about this. I guess everyone did.

With one last puff, I let out the joint and smashed it with my foot in the grass. Without another worry or care, i left their yard. I got what I needed and now i wanted solitude.

I got lost in the glare of the house lights and swam through the air, back to my room, where Johnny Depp sat with contempt. I felt the vision from my eyes start to get thinner as the black screen overwhelmed me, and i landed on my bed in silence.