You're cold and I burn / Band Of Brothers Winnix

But I know in my heart, you are not a constant star

Everyone was celebrating. The love of two people was worth celebrating. Or so one should think.

Lewis sat at the bar, sipping on his fourth drink. He watched the happy couple thanking everyone for coming to their engagement party.

Richard and Elise looked happy.

Who would have thought that Lew would only be a guest at Winters' engagement party?

When the invitations went out, Lew had gotten many calls from the Easy men, asking how the hell that happened.

Two years ago...

It was the peak of Nixon's "being drunk all the time" phase.
But that didnt stop him from being completely in love with Winters.

Richard, his Dick, who was the calm in every storm which was going on on Lews mind.
Who was the only one who could talk him back to reality when his drunk mind was spiralling.

Since the start he was completely amazed by this man.

But these days they were not happy at all.

After the war, Richard was popular. He got invited to charity for vets. He was kinda still working with the army. He had been a major. He had influence. He was the perfect man. The only flaw one could find in Dick's life, was Lew.

Lew who was drunk most of the time. Who was a sassy bitch lately. Just yesterday, Dick had to leave a dinner event earlier with him, because Lew got too drunk and tried starting a fight with the host.

That was how it mostly ended. Of course Lew would accompany Winters to his events. But while Winters was shaking hands, giving talks, mingling in the crowd - Lew still wondered how the quiet Richard did that - he was looking for the bar and got drunk.

He knew he probably should be next to his man. But Nixon was just so tired. Tired, of being reminded of the war all the time. His sleepless nights, his nightmares, waking up screaming, were enough to let him never forget about the war.

And yesterday he had pushed it too far. He had humiliated the host and had been a walking mess.

Right now, Dick was sitting opposite of Lew. They needed to talk, he said.
"You cant do this every time, Lew! Its embar- its...Its not good for you or me!" Dick looked at him. His expression was exhausted, tired.

"Yeah come on, spill it Dick! It was embarrassing. That was the word you were gonna say wasnt it?" He really wasnt in the mood to talk. He needed a drink.

"Dont start a fight with me, Lew. Please. Cant you see that you are ruining-"

"Your poster boy image? Oh forgive me, Major." Lew muttered and reached out to grab the bottle Vat 69 from the table. But Winters was faster and snitched it away from his reach.

"Nix! Cant we talk with you being sober for one time? Please? And that wasnt what i was trying to say at all...You are not ruining my image! What image even?! I just try to give back what the army gave me. Without them I would have never met you, Lew. All the men who want to fight for our country, like we did! I just show my respect! And you had respect for them too, before-" He didnt finish the sentence but the look in Winters blue eyes said enough.

"Give. Me. The. Bottle. Richard."
"No! You are not ignoring this talk, Lew! Not this time!"
"Fine!", Lew spat. "You wanna talk? I'll start. Since we knew each other, you did nothing but improve from my advices. Every plan, every strategy you came up with, you discussed with me! So every time the oh so smart Winters got praised it was only because of me! Did i ever call you out on that?? NO!! I gave every fucking information i could grab my hands on to you, to help you out!! To make it possible for us to come home! Did i ever complain that you rose above my rank? Not one fucking time!! I was fucking happy for you!! And here you are complaining about me?!"

Winters face went completey emotionless. Lew laughed cheerless.

"See? There he is! Richard Winters everyone, too god damn proud to show his feelings. Too proud for everything!"
"You know that is not true! You are the only one who get to see behind this mask. It is hard for me to show feelings, and for you i still did it!"
"Oh should i be flattered, Sir? I am sorry, that i made you fucking feel something!"
Dick walked up to Lew and looked down at him, tall and like fucking fire.

"Lewis Nixon, dont you dare-"
Nixon jumped up. "No, dont you dare going fucking Major on me! You can play your damn rank out to everyone but me!!"

"You know, i could give you the same shit back"
"Oh our golden boy curses!"
"You have no sense for respect whatsoever! Just because you were born rich, you think you can get away with everything! You are a drunk, Lew. That is all that is left of you! You are not the man i knew. Besides YOU were the one begging me to stay with you! You were the one who fell for me first! So dont blame me!"

Lew laughed. That was true. Every time they had talked about their feelings, Lew had made clear where he stood. Though it had been dangerous to even talk about it, if they would have been caught ,they could have been shot.

While he had been this emotional mess, Winters had been the rational one. He never really gave any glimpse on how he had felt, at first. He had been distant. But Lew knew that he turned that on for everyone he met. Quiet, reserved, observing. That was how he was.

"Dont you agree that we both only hurt each other? I- i dont know if i love you enough anymore..."

Nixon spat out a bitter laugh.
"You never loved me Dick. This love was not real. Thats not the way you feel."

....

This one I wrote after a tough, emotional day. It still gets me, because writing it, there got some realisations unlocked and they still hurt whenever i read it.