We Are Risen

Chapter Seven

I bolted into an upright position in the bed I was laying in, cold sweat making my hair stick to the back of my neck as tears streamed down my face. The nightmare I just had stayed fresh in my mind, and I was shaking and trembling. I wrapped my arms around myself and rocked back-and-forth, small whimpers escaping my mouth. After a couple of minutes, I heard a knock on the door. It opened and the light turned on, and I turned my head and wiped away the tears that ran down my face. Toby walked over and sat down next to me on the bed.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, laying a hand on my knee.

I jerked away from him, refusing to look at him. "I'm fine."

My voice shook.

"Dee, please talk to me," he begged. 

I still didn't look at him, screwing my eyes shut and trying to control the shaking of my body.

"Daisy, don't do this."

"Don't do what?" I snapped at him.

His face contorted as if he were in pain. 

"Push me away," he said. "Please don't push me away. You're hiding something. Ever since I met you in middle school. Every time I asked you what was wrong you'd push me away."

He took a shaky breath and I clenched my hands in my lap.

"You built up walls," he murmured. "You put on a fake smile, you didn't voice how you were feeling. Now you're numb, or at least you try to be. You won't let me help you-"

"I don't need your help!" I snapped at him. "Everybody thinks I need help, but I don't! I'm not fucking crazy!"

 I hunched over and buried my face in my hands as I felt hot tears well up in my eyes again. Toby's eyes softened as he scooted closer to me, gently taking my hands in his. 

"I don't think you're crazy, Dee," he said softly, cautiously.

I pulled my hands from his grasp, and I could tell he was hurt.

"Yes, you do." My voice is thick. "Everybody does. My mom, my stepdad, the school counselor, everyone."

 I was trying desperately to hold back the flood of tears threatening to fall.

"No," Toby insisted. "I don't. I don't think you're crazy. I think, no, I know you're scared."

I chuckled dryly, looking away from him again.

"You don't know anything, Toby," I said, shaking my head. "Nothing."

Toby sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

"Hey, uh," he said, changing the subject. "How's your shoulder? It looked pretty painful when you slammed it into Ally's door."

"I- it's fine," I mumbled, looking down.

Toby frowned. "It's obviously not, Dee. Dammit, just let me help for once!"

"Fine," I croaked, just wishing for him to stop yelling.

I slowly reached a hand up and slid down the collar of my shirt, revealing my bruised shoulder. Toby sucked in a breath as he slowly ran his warm fingers over my bare skin. But then his hand stopped. 

"Daisy," he said in a slow, quiet voice. "What the hell is that?"

I tensed up, my breath hitching. I slowly slid my hand beside his, finding the tip of a deep gash. 

"Daisy," he asked in a breathless, choked voice. "What happened?"

I felt a lump form in my throat as my lower lip started to tremble. Hot tears welled in my eyes, and I came to realize that I couldn't keep hiding things from him. I turned to face him, lifting my eyes to meet his. 

"My stepfather," my voice broke. "He did terrible things. He- he was horrible. . . I never wanted to go back home. . ."

A fat, hot tear slipped down my face.

I felt Toby's hand slip into mine as he squeezed it reassuringly.

"What did he do?" Toby asked in a soft, gentle voice.

I turned, thinking about my next move. Was I really going to show him the damage? Yes, I couldn't keep this a secret forever. I gently took my hand out of his, before grabbing the bottom of my shirt and pulling it over my head, letting it drop to the floor. Doing this revealed the cuts, the gashes, the bruises, everything. Toby's eyes widened, tears welling up. He lifted a hand to my uninjured shoulder, turning my body so he could view my back. He gasped, stumbling back. Red, angry cuts crossed my stomach and back, clouded by large, purplish-blue bruises ringed in yellow and green. I held out my arms, completely revealing all of the deep scars covering my forearms. 

"And he didn't just do that," my voice cracked. "He- he forced me to sleep with him. Ev- every night. . . For years. . ."

I had started to sob, my shoulders shaking. 

"Day in and day out he was beating me, starving me, screaming at me," I sobbed. "He told me I was worthless, that everybody would be happier if I was gone. . . I tried, Jesus I tried so many times, but either he or my mom would always find me. No matter what, they wouldn't let me die. . ."

"Daisy. . ." Toby reached out a hand, but I flinched back as I started to hiccup.

"I slit my wrists, I drank bleach, I tried hanging myself, starving myself even more than he already did," I gasped out. "This was all before I met you guys, of course, the suicide attempts. . . But I've had thoughts."

Toby reached out and gripped both of my hands, his gaze pleading, and heartbroken. "How come you never thought to tell me about this? We could have gotten you help!"

I shook my head. "He- he said if I told, he'd kill my mom. . . And then he said he'd keep me alive so I'd be forced to deal with the pain of her death. So. . . I stayed quiet. . . I had to. I had to keep her safe, Toby."

Toby suddenly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap, burying his face in my hair as his body shook with silent sobs. I had slightly tensed up, but I allowed myself to relax into his embrace, appreciating his reaction. All I needed, I realized, was for someone to offer a gentle hand that would not lay harm to myself. 

"He can't hurt you anymore, Daisy," Toby said, his voice shaky with tears. "I won't let you get hurt like that again. I promise."

I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping onto him tighter. 

"Thank you," I sobbed quietly into his shoulder. 

I didn't even realize the door had opened until I heard an incredibly angry voice. 

"What the hell is going on in here?"