Deborah of the Forsaken

When it Clicks

We leave the safety of the temple behind three weeks later, our packs strapped to our backs.

I find Silas waiting for me outside my door, leaning with his hip against the stone banister casually staring out over the garden, his thoughts elsewhere. Silas insists on carrying my pack as well, but I am determined to crush any weakness within me and refuse his demand. He's still not happy about it, afraid I hadn't recovered enough and will injure myself.

I'm comforted by the sight of him, the nerves fluttering in my stomach because of the daunting journey ahead settling down immediately. We walk in silence through the broad halls of the Temple, and I can't help but feel that this place will be the last safe haven we stay in for the foreseeable future.

Silas has kept his distance during my recovery, opting to spend his time in the library with the soldiers patrolling the grounds. He says he needs to learn the terrain, study the maps of the areas we'll be heading into, but we both know it's because he's struggling to give me the space he promised when he's near me. His eyes never leave me when he comes to check on me,his gaze tracing carefully, intimately over my features in a way that leaves me feeling deeply vulnerable and flustered.

We've grown more comfortable with each other while I recovered, but at some point I expect Silas will push to have it spill back into a deeper closeness, to revive what we shared before. I hope I'm strong enough to resist the temptation when it comes. The pull toward him is a constant in the back of my mind, and in my body, a feeling so overwhelming at times that I can't even look at him. I know Silas's love for me runs deeper than I could ever know, an unwavering and unconditional force. I also know he will do anything for me, including standing in my way if it means that that is what needs to be done to protect me. I can't let that happen. I can't let him get that close again.

He doesn't attempt to speak to me about the years we were separated, which I appreciate greatly. It's a subject neither of us are ready for, won't be ready for for a very long time. He doesn't speak Anthony's name at all either, instead calling him a demon when he must say something that directly relates to the monster masquerading as a man.

The soldiers outside salute us as we pass by, their black armour glinting in the sun. Women clad in white line the hallways, chanting blessings and showering us with holy water and delicate small flower buds meant to invoke safe passage from their gods. I wonder briefly if their gods would side with me, make me their champion against the mad man that is Anthony, or continue to cast a blind eye on the devastation he continues to wreck.

My eyes are drawn to Silas as he marches on in front of me, his head down and chin tucked, one hand clutching the strap on the pack slung over his shoulders. The years have stripped him of most of the sweetness his eyes once held, and the young man I'd known is now a lethal warrior, a weapon in his own right regardless of the power tucked away inside him. I'm grateful for such an ally in a fight I have no idea how to win, a pillar of strength I can lean on.

A twinge of sadness tugs at me thinking of what he suffered, not knowing if I was dead or alive. Unbidden, I wonder if another woman had replaced me after he'd stopped searching for me, bringing with it a deep stab of jealousy that I shut away immediately. Whatever happiness he found while thinking me dead and gone, he certainly had a right to.

Silas scoffs loudly ahead of me, rubbing his hand over the light stubble on his jaw. "You're exceptionally loud with your thoughts right now, Deborah. You could just ask me these things if you wished to know. I wouldn't lie to you, though I'm not sure you'd like my answers."

I scowl at his wide back, embarrassment causing me to blush a deep crimson. Thankfully he doesn't turn around to witness my shame.

"You're projecting through our link," he continues. "If you can't remember how to shut it off, I'll show you when we stop for a break. Unless you want to be fully linked to me-"