How To Save A Life

Chapter Six: Bearing News Of Death

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"And you should tell her that you're dying."

I waited for the two to start laughing, and when that moment never came, I waited for myself to break down. But I had to keep my cover, and figure out what was going on. If they wouldn't tell me, I would need to be strong and figure it out myself.

With my stomach in a knot as well as my throat, I squeezed my eyes shut. Casually pulling the blanket over my mouth so I wouldn't cry out, I waited for the words. I waited for them to explain.

"As if it's ever that easy, Owen. 'Hey Kaylen, you're great. I really like you. But it doesn't really matter because I only have a few weeks left with you.' I can't just say that! Maybe I should've told her earlier, maybe I should've said something the day I met her. I don't know. You're right, but stop acting like it's easy." Matt said with a hushed voice, before the sound of his wheelchair passed my bed and into the hallway. With that, a chair was pushed back, and footsteps left, a set of hands shut my door, and I was left alone.

My last ounce of self control disappeared. I spent the rest of the night crying, and mourning the loss of my friend , who hadn't even died yet.

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Everyone that lives long enough to feel a true heartbreak will tell you the same thing. It stinks. No, it doesn't necessarily need to be when someone dumps you or when the person you love falls for someone else. Yeah, that's heartbreak, but there are various forms of it. My true heartbreak came from the boy that I had never expected it to.

If that day were a movie, it would end perfectly. Matt would've confessed to loving me, Owen would've been the great friend he should've been, and Matt would've also beat his sickness, and left unharmed.

But this isn't a movie, and that didn't happen.

So when morning arrived, I was wiped out. Proving to be the worst night I had had up until then, I knew I wouldn't be in the greatest condition for my surgery the next day.

Doctors where in and out all day, and when Stacy came in, she came bearing a message.

"I'm here to deliver a message from Matthew and Owen. They say that they hope you're feeling better, and that they'd really like to talk to you before surgery prep tomorrow morning."

I nodded without glancing at her.

"What's wrong, hun?"

Shaking my head, I replied, "I'm okay. Tell them to come by as soon as possible then. Thanks, Stacy." I just wanted to get it over with, then focus on surviving my surgery.

She left the room, and fifteen minutes later, two boys came in, looking like they were bearing news of death. Maybe in some ways, they were.

"I don't want to hear anything from either one of you unless it's the truth. Don't lie to me about what's going on because that's only going to make me even more mad at you." I blurted out, not nervous about what I needed to say.

"You know." Matt stated, a blank look on his face.

"Yeah, I know. You two should learn to speak a little quieter." I stated rudely.

"I'm sorry, Kaylen." Matt said, his voice quivering.

"What are you apologizing for? Not telling me that you like me? Not mentioning that you have a few weeks left on this planet? Or speaking loudly?" I yelled.

"All of it." He said again, even quieter than before.

"Oh, my God." I gave in, bursting into tears. I buried my head into my hands. Sensing that I needed to be alone for a second, they both stayed where they were.

A minute later, I calmed down enough to continue the conversation. "Matt." I looked at him in defeat. "What's wrong with you?"

"Owen.." Matt looked at Owen, who had been quiet the whole time.

"Right. I won't be a smart kid now. Matt has a heart condition. He's had it for most of his life. A handful of surgeries, a clinical trial, treatment. It's worked for kids before, but not for him. The last attempt is a transplant, but Matt's too sick, and they probably won't give him a heart that he could so easily reject. So now they wait for a heart, but ultimately, that's it. Waiting, I guess. He could go home, but why not stay in a hospital with us?" Owen went through the speech showing no emotion, until managing a slight smile at the end.

"With that being said, yeah, I really really like you. I can say it because it doesn't make anything embarrassing, I don't have a lot of time to live with it. I'm sorry, really." He was tearing up a bit now, and seeing him cry made me realize that I shoud've expressed my feelings towards him a long time ago. But it was too late then, also.

"I like you too, for what it's worth. You can't d-die yet." I was at a loss for words, and the sinking feeling in my stomach made everything worse.

"I can't tell you that I'm going to be here for another month or a year or anything, but I will greedily take what I can get." Matt smiled a bit, and then came over in his wheelchair to my bedside, grabbed my hand, and looked at me. "Get through this surgery and we will take it from there."

I nodded, and tightened my grasp on our perfect-fitting hands. How can something be so perfect in a not so perfect situation? How had everything happened so fast? Why did I have to watch him die? But maybe I wouldn't have to. Depending on how the surgery went, maybe he and Owen would have to watch me die.
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Later that day, loads of relatives and friends came by, including Delilah. They showered me with balloons, flowers, hugs, and nice words that seemed meaningless to me.

"Get well soon." Yeah, I'm trying.

"Get through your surgery!" That's the plan.

"I know you'll be just fine." No you don't.

As rude as that all sounds, I wasn't in the mood to talk to people that only visited when it was a life or death situation. My parents had been pestering me all day and spending every waking second with me, which I enjoyed, but it got annoying at times.

My favorite visitors were Matt's parents, who didn't shower me with typical condolences, only stated the obvious, that my situation stunk. We talked about Matt, about how he adored me, and I felt sick, knowing I still hadn't gone through the worst, his death.

At night I my mom fell asleep while holding my hand, and I realized that this surgery was a scary thing, but once it was over with, I was cured and healthy again. I knew I could get through it fine, but did I want to?

So being the night before my fate was to be decided, I snuck out of my room. Where else to go, other than across the hall?

Opening the door, I was greeted by the darkness of the room, and a blonde fast asleep in the bed. Without a second thought, I let myself into his room, and walked over to his bed so that I could see his face.

Looking at him then, with a dim light from the moon shining through his window, I realized that I didn't want to go on without him. I knew that I somehow could, but I did not want to at all. I stood there for a few minutes, holding his hand for a second, before leaving.

Maybe I was in love with him, even at this age. It was possible, and I guess you have to grow up fast when your days are numbered.

He was great. I thought about everything, and regretted the days I spent hiding my feelings for him. Owen was helpless in the situation. I had surgery the next day, where I could die. Matt...Matt was going to die. As far as I knew, Owen's chemotherapy was working. That's what he said. It broke my heart to know that Owen could lose us both. I was going to lose Matt, and that was hard enough. How had I not thought about Owen in the situation?

I looked at Matt once more, who turned over in his sleep and faced the window.

Owen was great too, and if he had to lose his best friend Matt, then I wouldn't let him lose me.

Surgery didn't phase me anymore.

This surgery was like another race, and like I said:

I've never lost.