Creative Impulse

Breathe

It's cold. That's my first thought as I wake up. My blanket is thick and warm; yet, the autumn chill still finds a way to creep in. My nose feels frozen; I pull the blanket over my face, to savour the warmth before it's replaced with the crisp morning air. My eyes are heavy, there's a strange discomfort in my head... I hate the thought of leaving my bed... I inhale deeply, stretching my toes, shifting my body weight, I curl up. Allowing sleep to take over again.

"Wake up!"......... "Get up Layla". My eyelids snap open violently. I blink allowing my eyes to adjust to the light. My older cousin, Sarah, stands hovering above me. She yanks my arm, pulling me off the bed, her nails digging into my flesh. Ouch.

"I'm awake.....I'm awake," I mumble.

I don't hear what she says next. I watch as she walks out of the room. The door closes. I stare. Then blink. What time is it? I grab my phone from the bedside table turning it on to see no new messages. It's 7:20, I should get ready. I grab my dressing gown and make my way to the bathroom. I don't look in the mirror; I brush my teeth, splash water on my face.

I watch the water crash into the sink, flowing, disappearing down the dark hole. It's strange, water, hydrogen and oxygen, two gasses that form this clear liquid that easily slips through your fingers. We drink it, we swim in it, and we wash with it. H2O. So simple. I blink and take a deep breath. I look up into the mirror; my ghostly brown eyes look permanently tired. I could sleep a decade, yet my eyes will appear the same, worn. Fatigue is ingrained in my bones. At night, my body is still, silent, lifeless. My brain is always alive, dozing in fitful spurts. Six hours feel like sixty when my eyes finally open it feels like less than 6 minutes of rest. An eternity of pointless work lingers; waiting for me to emerge from my cocoon of blankets only to envelop me in the grasp of society's expectations.

I smile, bearing my teeth; a forceful laugh escapes my lips. What am I doing?

                                                      -X

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Writer's Note

honestly though, what am I doing?

I wrote this piece a while back, it doesn't make much sense, well that's my brain...nothing makes much sense when it comes to me. hope you liked the fascinating description of water. I tend to do that a lot, focus on things too much and just wonder. why? how? I'm obsessed with the world around me. it's a problem, the world is distracting, knowledge is distracting. I have to focus on what really matters money, success, and pride. right?

as I write this all I can think of is the pain in my left arm, I got a vaccination today, I was just expecting to just get a blood test but things change life happens. also my head hurts....like always. I-I-I-I I've got a migraine.

of course, I got distracted and started writing about myself. what I wanted to say is that I don't really like this part. all I wanted to do when I read it was to delete everything and start again. but I didn't. I'm trying  to stop doing that, because if I continue to discard everything I write...I'm going to end up writing nothing. so I'm going to just accept that this isn't my greatest work and move on. I will try to do better next time. I can't force creativity I need to let it happen naturally.

wow my head really hurts. well not hurts as in pain, i'ts well I can't describe it exactly. it's a strange discomfort. I'm suddenly very tired but I don't want to sleep. god I hate this. is this normal? I feel like this every day. I'm tired of being tired. I took my bloody meds! then why?

okay I don't even now what i'm writing anymore.