Even Wilder

Violet

I headed down the stairs of Wilder's house, fighting the tears. I wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to until I was home. I didn't want to be caught out in the middle of the night, sobbing like some stupid idiot. I cried my whole life—I was sick of it. It didn't change anything. I'd cry when the kids at school made fun of me—they still made fun of me the next day.

I was dropping out of school because the truth was, I couldn't handle it. Just like I thought, the world was a cruel fucking place and without Wilder, it made little sense. I couldn't figure it out. I hated my roommate. I hated the way my professor looked at me—because I knew he wanted something I wasn't willing to give. I hated taking cabs everywhere. And most of all, I hated that I wasn't just across the street from my best friend anymore.

Wilder was my everything, and it wasn't how I wanted things to turn out. I avoided falling in love like criminals avoided the police. The universe put Wilder in my life when I needed him the most. If not for Wilder being there, I wouldn't have made it.

And that made me feel pathetic. I couldn't survive without another person. I wasn't strong enough to take what life handed to me. That wasn't the person I wanted to be—but that was who I was.

How did I explain that to Wilder or anyone? Why couldn't he get it? He didn't even act like he missed me anymore. Whenever I checked Instagram or Facebook, all I saw posted were pictures of him partying with Saint and the rest of the guys who stopped trying for anything better after high school. Saint had his parents to fall back on. Wilder didn't. He had to work for everything he had. Seeing him happy working a shitty construction job, not going anywhere angered me so much. He could do anything he wanted. Why didn't he want anything?

I darted across the street to get back to my mom's house. And I practically ran right into the front of a speeding car. The horn blasted, and I jumped back just in time. Saint's face was pure white. He had almost hit me.

"Vi! What the fuck." He pulled over and climbed out. "I almost ran you the fuck over."

I knew he wanted an answer. What was I going to say? I was so upset that Wilder didn't welcome me home with open arms that you almost hit me with your car. Of course, I wasn't going to say that.

I waited for him to tell me how stupid I was.

"Why'd you leave the party?" He met up with me on the sidewalk in front of my house.

"It was a long drive. I'm tired." I lied.

"You came back for him, didn't you?"

What was it to him? It was none of his business.

"Saint, mind your business. Go drive into a tree or something," I snapped.

He chuckled. Not because it was funny but because he saw me the same way they all saw me. As the butt of the joke, the girl that was easy to pick on. "That's no way to talk to Wilder's best bud."

I cringed at the thought of it. "Yeah, okay."

"What, you thought while you were in college he would sit home and pine after you?"

"No. I didn't think that. Why are you such a dick?"

When he noticed he was getting to me, his blue eyes lit up. Just a little more, and he would have Vi crying just like old times. "He's back there right now, banging some blonde in the bathroom." He jerked his thumb at his shoulder for extra emphasis.

"Great." I looked at my house. Mom left the living room light on for me. She knew I would be home late. "Anything else?"

"But if you want to come back over later just shoot me a text, I'll let you know when they finish up." He patted my back and climbed back in his car with his stupid grin and sped off down the street.

I climbed the stairs to my house and went inside, slamming the door in anger. I always ran to Wilder and told him when I was upset. But not tonight. He was busy fucking girls in his bathroom.

Mom was already asleep. I plopped down on the couch and snapped on the television, grabbing the bag of Cheetos she left on the coffee table. My phone dinged next to me. I licked Cheeto dust off my fingers and picked it up to see who it was. It was Wilder. He wanted to know if I got home okay.

I tossed the phone back on the couch and went back to the Cheetos. Mid fuck he wanted to ask me if I made it home alright. If I was safe, I was just fine without him.

I wasn't going to be the friend who ruined her friend's birthday over her issues. For once, I was going to deal with my problems on my own.