When the sun shines we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever...
Imma always love you, Na.
I lit a cigarette looking over the London lights.
Trying to dry up these tears that I never shed in public.
It's always beautiful here at night.
Looking down from thirty stories high.
Breath taking.
He would have loved the silence above the street lights.
This wasn't the first time I had dreams about him. They were always about him. I learned to live with that. He was a permanent part of Na. I hated him for calling me that. I hated it so much because every time he said my name, it sounded like home. It was home for both of us. He was my home and there was no changing the facts for me.
3 am. Shit. Rosie will be up soon trying to drag my ass to the shower. I don't know what I'd do without her, though. Ro is my secretary, she's first and foremost my realest friend, besides K. I guess when you're making ridiculous money, the circle of friendship gets smaller by the minute. Ro and I go way back though, she's my ride or die sister in this industry.
To be the best artist in the music industry that the world has ever seen. I wanted this. I wanted to be this girl who made people fall in love with music ever since I sang Mariah Carey back in elementary school. She was my idol. Whitney, Celine, all of them. I wanted the world to dance to my songs. I wanted them to get drunk over it, play it over and over again until they hated it. Until they couldn't stand listening to it anymore and then after a while, come back to it. That's the life I wanted for myself. It's been nine years. It's the life I live now.
The life Ric and I built together.
The life I wanted so bad because I was young and ambitious and so sure of myself.
But he's not here. He didn't want to be here.
Na, I just can't do this anymore with you. I just ... I'm not sure things will ever be the same between us. You've changed, Na.
I don't know what else to say or do. I have to go. I'm sorry.
Ric wanted me to live the simple life. He said it would be the best decision for the both of us. I wanted the fame. Somehow he knew I wouldn't listen. He knew I was too stubborn. He wanted to keep me safe from destroying myself. He wanted me to be free from what he had gone through. Yet it wasn't enough for me.
Now, he's with the woman that he says he loves. It nearly kills me every time he mentions her name. The way his lips curl into a mischievous smile before he notices that I can see him. It was the way he used to say my name. The woman I thought I was to him after all these years. But I was wrong. I pushed him too far and now I was standing in my high club suite by myself thinking about him. All alone in this majestic city. With no one to whisper random thoughts with. Smoking my second cigarette with a million dollars worth of clothes hanging over the chair right across from me. Empty.
I've lost him. Forever.
The kind of forever that makes you want to stop breathing.
I slowly walk back to my bed. I take a pillow and just lay on my side for a while. His face is all I see in the darkness. I close my eyes and his face still lingers in my head. I hear the raindrops on the rooftop and cry myself to sleep.
