Fast Food Fucking

Part 2

Panda continued to sob.

"Why, god, why!?"

Wendy shouted from inside, "I'm sorry, your short panda fingers just weren't doing it for me anymore!"

Then the sex noises resumed, and Panda cried harder. When she was finally able to collect herself, she pulled out her phone and called up Domino's.

"Hi, can I get seven pizzas? Just put everything on there. Every topping you have. Dump that shit like you mean it. And some bamboo on the side, please. Thanks." She gave them the address, hung up, and then continued to cry. She unleashed her tears like birthday streamers flying down the road and drowning all the little mice families crossing the road by the gutters.

It only took three minutes for the pizza to arrive, because Domino's pizza is made by wizards. Plus she lives right next to Domino's—she needs it for when she feels strong emotions. It's the only thing that can keep her uncontrollable feelings at bay.

The pizza man arrived, walking up to the porch and looking down at Panda, who was sitting on the ground (next to a chair) with her knees (do pandas have knees????) pulled up to her chest and her face buried in her hands. She sniffled and he cleared his throat, holding the seven pizzas and a bamboo plant and tilting his head slightly to the left in concern.

"What's wrong?" the Domino's delivery guy asked.

"My girlfriend cheated—is cheating, on me," Panda sniffled. The various moans from inside confirmed this. The delivery man opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, at a loss for words.

"What's your name?"

"Panda. Yours?"

"Dom."

"Ooh, kinky."

"I know, right? So uhh, here's your pizza," he said, handing her the seven pizza boxes and bamboo in exchange for some cash cash moneyz. She thanked him. "Hey...I have an idea! Why don't you cheat back?"

"Woah. That's a great idea, actually! But who would I cheat with?"

"Well I have some buddies that like fucking all day, I'll invite them and we can go be cock blocks—pussy blocks? For your girlfriend and the other girl!"

"I love it," Panda said, opening up a pizza box and sucking up an entire pizza all at once like her mouth was a vacuum. "Hey, I feel better now! Even the constant sex noises in the background don't seem to bother me anymore!"

"Yep, that's Domino's pizza, always there to fix all your life problems," Dom said, like he was in an advertisement. If he were in an ad, he'd be looking at the camera right about now and flashing a charming white smile because he's the Domino's guy and that's what he does.

He pulled out his cell phone and texted his group chat of homies.

Dom: Yooo guys there's a sad panda over here and i need your help

Taco Bell: What do you expect us to do about it

The Burger King: yeah man i'm kinda busy rn

Dom: Stfu we both know you don't actually have a burger kingdom to rule over all the time

Dom: You're just outside Ronald and Colonel Sanders' window watching them fuck and jacking off to it

The Burger King: ...i will neither confirm nor deny that statement

Dom: Uh huh. Just get them over here

Dom: Invite anyone you think is down to bang

Taco Bell: Okayy but like

Taco Bell: I'm an inanimate object so I'm not great at banging

Dom: You're a bell so you're good at ringing which is what happens to your ears when someone bangs too loudly

Dom: So close enough! Get over here and bring beer, bitches

Dom: I'll send you the address in a sec, I may or may not have already forgotten it