Heathers: The Musical Script

Here you go

Bell rings
VERONICA: September 1st, 1989. Dear Diary:
I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but—here we are! First day of senior year! And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself—what happened?
KIDS:​ Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass! VERONICA:​ We were so tiny, happy and shiny
Playing tag and getting chased
KIDS:​ Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!
VERONICA:​ Singing and clapping, laughing and napping
Baking cookies, eating paste
KIDS:​ Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!
VERONICA:​ Then we got bigger, that was the trigger Like the Huns invading Rome
(spoken)
Oh, sorry!
(sung)
Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school
This is the Thunderdome
Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon
KIDS:​​ White trash!
VERONICA:​ College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June! But I know, I know, life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray for a better way
If we changed back then, we could change again
We can be beautiful...
A PREPPY STUD knocks a HIPSTER DORK to the floor.
HIPSTER DORK: Ow!
VERONICA:​ Just not today (spoken)
Hey, are you okay?
HIPSTER DORK: Get away, nerd
VERONICA: Oh, okay
KIDS:​ Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo! Homo! Homo!
VERONICA: ​Things will get better soon as my letter Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Wake from this coma, take my diploma
Then I can blow this town
Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés
VERONICA jostles RAM SWEENEY.
RAM: Watch it!
VERONICA: ​Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!
RAM upends VERONICA'S lunch tray.
RAM: Ooooops
VERONICA: Ram Sweeney. Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick
RAM: What did you say to me, skank?
VERONICA: Aah, nothing!
KIDS:​ But I know, I know... I know, I know...
Life can be beautiful Beautiful
I pray, I pray I pray, I pray

For a better way
For a better way
We were kind before; (Oooh...)
We can be kind once more (Oooh...)
We can be beautiful.., (Oooh... Beautiful...)
MARTHA approaches.
VERONICA: Agh!... Hey Martha
MARTHA: Hey
MARTHA helps VERONICA pick up her tray.
VERONICA: Martha Dunnstock. My best friend since diapers
MARTHA: We on for movie night?
VERONICA: Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail
MARTHA: I rented "The Princess Bride."
VERONICA: Ho-ho-ho, again? Wait, don't you have it memorized by now?
MARTHA: What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending
KURT: Martha Dumptruck! Wide load! Honnnnnk!
KURT KELLY knocks the tray from MARTHA'S hands.
KURT: Hahaaa!
VERONICA: Kurt Kelly. Quarterback. He is the smartest guy on the football team. Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf
KURT: Haha! Alriiight!

VERONICA:​ (furious)​ Hey! Pick that up! Right now!
KURT: I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?
VERONICA: Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant
KURT: ...You have a zit right there...
KURT and KIDS laugh.
VERONICA: Dear diary:
(sung) Why....
HIPSTER DORK:​ Why do they hate me? REPUBLICAN GIRL: ​Why don't I fight back? KURT: ​Why do I act like such a creep? VERONICA:​ Why...
MARTHA: ​Why won't he date me?
RAM: ​Why did I hit him?
STONER CHICK, MS. FLEMING & BLOW-DRIED PREPPY: ​Why do I cry myself to sleep? VERONICA: ​Why...
KIDS: ​Somebody hug me! Somebody fix me! Somebody save me!
KIDS & VERONICA: ​Send me a sign, God! Give me some hope, here!
Something to live for!

The three HEATHERS enter.
KIDS: ​Ahh! Heather, Heather, and Heather!
VERONICA: And then there's the Heathers. They float above it all KIDS: ​I love Heather, Heather, and Heather
VERONICA: Heather McNamara, head cheerleader. Her dad is loaded—he sells engagement rings
(I love Heather, Heather, and Heather)
VERONICA: Heather Duke, runs the yearbook. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants
(I want Heather, Heather, and Heather)
VERONICA: And Heather Chandler, the Almighty She is a mythic bitch
(I need Heather, Heather—)
VERONICA: They're solid Teflon—never bothered, never harassed I would give anything to be like that
KIDS: ​Mmmm...
HIPSTER DORK: I'd like to be their boyfriend
KIDS: ​That would be beautiful... Mmmm...
STONER CHICK: If I sat at their table, guys would notice me KIDS: ​So beautiful...
Ooooh...
MARTHA: I'd like them to be nicer