Repeating Lifetimes

10.

I can't properly breathe. It feels like I've been shoved in water of gushing emotions of rage, hurt, and regret.

It's a curse, isn't it? Past lives really are a wonder.

Slowly yet pretty quickly, I was strangled by what really was water. Desperately, I try to breathe, but it only results to me inhaling more liquid.

All was vivid after that. Why don't I feel so unjust? The weight feels like it's been lifted; the water below makes me feel free, like my presence was finally not considered to only be just a heavy bag - a hindrance and a burden to others to carry, itching by other people to be discarded if not in use anymore.

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I instantly sat up, the sound of water splashing and the sight large ripples soon followed; coughing out any water I seemed to have inhaled. I was left alone in the tub, thus no one have seemed to know that I almost drowned.

I panted, trying to catch my breath of air after it was disheartingly replaced by water.

How embarassing, to be so drowsy and almost sleep inside a tub. A sigh left my lips with a frown parched on my face, my eyes soon became half-lidded and my fatigue was beginning to come back quicker than expected.

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"The empress dowager!" The eunuch announced loudly in my hall. What's up with people coming to visit me late in the evening?

"Grandmother," I called rather with a more welcoming expression than what I had with the 7th prince last time. "What compelled your visit?" I said with a smile, too tired to bother to hide my haggard and fatigued face.

"I know you're tired but just bear with me for a while." The empress dowager's expression immediately turned terrifyingly serious. I, of course, was once again confused but had no choice but to oblige.

Just with a gesture of her hand, a maid brought a plain soup all the way here. The empress dowager then looked all around the room and asked everyone to leave except them - this sparked a trace of skepticism and doubt inside of me. Is it really necessary though?

An oddly plain broth, with no plating whatsoever, that enough is skeptical.

"Drink this." The empress dowager said, rather hurriedly. "Why?" I asked, turning a bit more and more suspicious. At first, I was starting to regret the decision of letting my guard down and trusting her. However, that was soon shattered when I realized the empress dowager wouldn't be so careless to come here announced and make me drink this, right?

"It will help you. Trust me." The empress dowager's expression started to become more compassionate. With hesitance, I drank the whole bowl of soup.

I didn't feel anything immediately but my gut feeling was yelling at me that something will go horribly bad.

"Not now, but you'll know soon." And with a smile and vivid answer, she left as soon as possible.

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Why? Was all I could ask in my head coherently after feeling a burning heat within my body. Everything around me suddenly got cold yet so hot. I couldn't think straight, my head ached like it was being trampled on a thousand times by a thousand men.