Headstrong (A Benedict Cumberbatch Story)

Chapter 12

I paced around the edges of the white carpet, knocking my shin on the glass coffee table everytime. The phone sat bodly on the sofa, screaming at me in the silence to pick it up and press the green button. I screwed up my fists, heaved out a final breath and put the phone to my ear. The dialling tone was like a countdown to the living room exploding with me standing in it. 

"Hello?" his voice was slighly less cheerful and interested. It was weary and and distracted. I couldn't bear that.
"Hello?" he said again. Oh right, this was where I say it too.
"Um, heurgh." I mumbled.

What?! Heurgh?! Dear lord.

"Sorry, who's speaking please?" Benedict asked, and I imagined my last response never actually left my mouth. Let's start again.

"Hi, Benedict, I just wanted to thank you for all the absolutely beautiful instruments you sent me. I can't understand why you've sent them, but never the less I'm determined to play them all and love them as much as you probably do," I stopped to take a breath, having blurted all that out straight from the brain. 

"Maria? What are - "

"My only disappointment is that you don't love me too. But what I saw of your life with Ellie is enough to make me overjoyed at your happiness with her, and the fact that your love is being shared with someone is almost enough. But only almost."

The silence that hit me now was not screaming, it was bellowing. I could barely take it. Suddenly Benedict's heavy breathing reached my ear. A tear rolled down my face as I waited.

"Um, Maria? Don't go anywhere." he told me shakily, and then the line went dead. 

Crying, sobbing, shoulders uncontrollable, I stood there, not really sure what to do with myself. Making to walk into my room, I was startled to hear a knock on the door. Shaking myself free of the tears, I walked down the hallway, and saw an ever so familiar silhouette in the opaque glass. 

"Look who it is." his voice greeted me as soon as I opened the door, and hit me like a heat wave; my cheeks were flaming and my heart fluttered. I blinked, and he was leaning against the door frame with the most sheepish expression I will probably ever see in my life. He waved awkwardly, and I folded my arms in reply.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, straight out.

"Well, I'm recovered now, and I wanted to thank you for going with me to the hospital that night. I - I knew it was you when you sat on the bed next to me because your house smells of cats and cakes in the oven," Benedict closed his eyes, wincing, "hearing that out loud after planning it in my head before you opened the door makes me realise how weird that sounds," I laughed, and at the noise he opened his eyes and smiled gently.

"Uh, continue?" I said, hoping that what he would say next is what I was willing.
"Oh, um... cats in the oven Oh my god. Anyway, the point is, I knew it was you but I didn't want to 'wake up' - but when you kissed me, I opened my eyes... and saw you were crying too." I was so tempted to kiss you back and hold your face in my hands, but you pulled away so I closed my eyes again and listened to you walk away."

I gasped. He said it. 
"Why?" I whispered. Benedict sighed.

"When Ellie got there, she sat exactly how you had sat and kissed me too, and it didn't feel half as amazing as when you were there with me. Then she had her hand on my hip and she found ear rings - "

I held up a hand to stop him.
"What? Ear rings?" I spoke at a normal level, but he sensed that I was stopping myself from screaming my head off. He nodded.
"Yeah, it was her birthday the next day and I needed to cool off after our fight, so I went to pick them up from the jewellers instead of taking her there as a suprise before our dinner toge-"

"Ok, I don't need to know about all your romantic plans." I said which made him chuckle. 

There was silence for a few moments; he took a breath to speak but I got there first.

"So... you knew I kissed you, and you're saying you liked it more than when Ellie kissed you?" 

"Basically."

"Oh."

Benedict took my hand, "Maria, did you think the ear rings were a ring?" he asked softly, and I looked down at the door mat, nodding.
"Maria, you idiot." he said and abruptly hooked a finger under my chin and kissed me hard. 

Woah. Hang on, idiot?

"What?" I pulled away, and his eyes lit up.
"I'm never going to propose to Ellie, Maria. I decided that as soon as I realised it was you with me in the ambulance that night, because I recognised your crying."

"You've never heard me cry." I said accusingly. He didn't reply straight away, looking sheepish once again.
"I tried to call you as soon as I found out that you'd moved away, and it picked up but no one said anything. I - I was about to say hello, but then I heard someone crying. It was you."

Shit.

"Why were you crying Maria?" he said gently, and I shuffled my feet, mumbling.
"Cos I could never see you again or even dream of being with you."

He didn't have to ask me to repeat myself; he kissed me again. It was longer this time, and I sighed.

"So, what's happened with you and Ellie?" I hinted, and Benedict shook his head. 
"Um. Ellie," he started, and I suddenly noticed how his voice had been shaking every time he said her name, "She... I heard her sneak out of the flat one or two nights ago, and I heard another apartment door click in the corridor. I was coming back up the stairs the next morning after putting our rubbish out when she came out of Matthew's flat."

"Oh my god." I whispered, and he nodded. I pulled him in for a hug and his arms immediately wrapped around me; we held each other tightly. 

At the sound of someone coughing, my eyes snapped open to see my brother standing on the garden path with a hand on his hip.

Benedict stirred and turned us round so that he was standing in the house and I was on the front step. 
"Good afternoon Mr Bellini." he said politely, and I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Hello." Antonio said slowly, and I heard him walking up to the door. He said excuse me and Benedict turned us sideways so that he could get through. Once the space was free again, Benedict turned us back to our original positions. I collapsed with laughter in his arms, and they went slack as he watched me giggling. 

"Why is that so funny?" he said and I heard the smile in his voice. We stood back from each other and he put his hands in his pockets.

"So what now?" I asked. Benedict shrugged his shoulders. 
"Can I see your guitars?" he suggested, and I let him into the house, realising that we'd been standing on the doorstep for 15 minutes.

I led him to my room, where the guitars were standing proudly on their stands. The Fender Telecaster was plugged in and waiting. He asked my permission, and I motioned for him to go ahead.

Benedict reached for the guitar, turned on the amp and started plucking out very familiar set of chords.

"I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the lord. But you don't really care for music do ya?" he began, and I closed my eyes, and joined in.

"Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift, the baffled king composing Hallelujah."

I managed to sing a harmony, which he smiled at me for, making me tingle all over. When we'd finished, he turned off the amp and he'd barely put the guitar back in its stand before I'd thrown my arms around him. We kissed once more.

His hands found their way under my shirt and onto my back; his fingers were warm and their hold was comforting. I slipped mine under his t and they met the muscles on his chest, making him moan slightly. 

That night, we lay together on my bed, with lamp on and the window open. Early spring breezes blew in and we curled into each other under the sheets. I could barely sleep, I just couldn't comprehend that I was lying with this wonderful man, that I'd actually got him. He was mine.