Hearts of Deceit (ManxMan)

Ch 17: The Ball

A simple drive was exhausting. There was an air of something hanging over the night as the people and landscapes whizzed by and a growing apprehension with each mile towards the East Side. A growing nausea. An anxious tug at my tie. A refolding of cuffs. 

"You look fine," Elise sighed. Startled, I glanced over at her. There was an edge to her voice, a tightness in her eyes that she kept firmly on the road. The twinge I felt was not so reassuring. The suit was a thrifty rental with a hole above the pocket. The pants were a different shade of black. Why did I care so much? I couldn't say. 

"Just...nerves,"  I  mumbled, not really sure what else to say. The day had been a hollow one filled with great moments of self-loathing and trying to ascertain how exactly I had ended up with a nearly disabled left arm and under the torment of three men I had hoped to never see again. I could feel the anxiety beneath the surface ready to burst at a moment's notice. But I held. I could save the crying till I was good and alone. 

Elise let out another sigh. I raised a brow. With James, the words came easy and gentle. Elise and I, on the other hand, didn't do emotion. So it was quite stressing to see that she had something to say that wasn't a bad dick joke. After another tense moment, I glanced her and muttered a peeved, "What's up?"

"The martyr schtick is getting old, man."

My head snapped from the window to her. Already, the wrinkles around her eyes and the cautious frown told me she had regretted the words. I was still in the process of registering them.

"Huh?" 

After yet another cautious moment that Elise took to make a right turn, she spoke, voice hard and doubling down. "Why the hell are you putting yourself in this situation? You act like someone's holding a gun to your head. No one's forcing you to be with your exes and we have to deal with all this emotional....baggage, because you're suddenly a masochist."

I was silent for a while. My brain may have short-circuited. There was a lot to unpack. Elise, James, and Declan were not aware of the threat made against the pub. I was explicitly told not to tell. There wasn't much else to do besides agree that, yes, in fact, it was very strange that I was putting myself in situations that left me an emotionally irritable mess and that I had, on more than one occasion, taken it out on friends. Still. The implications hurt.    

"Emotional baggage?" I whispered, trying my best to catch her eye. Elise flinched. "I guess I should apologize for venting to the only people I thought cared, huh?"

"Oh, for fucks Conrad sake. Y'know what I meant." 

"No, I don't," I said tightly. Now she was looking at me, and I took the turn to avoid her gaze. 

"Conrad, c'mon. Look, I don't know what it's like to be a delta-"

"No, you don't," I said surprisingly calmly. 

"Ok! Ok, this all came out wrong-"

"Sure fucking did." We both jumped as a car horn blared. She'd made a nearly disastrous turn on red. 

"Would you listen to me?! You haven't been sleeping well. You cover every single shift you probably can at the pub. For fuck's sake you looked like you were on the edge of tears trying to get ready for this damn thing!" As the car steadied onto the road and the high rises became more frequent, I tried to cool my shaky nerves. Deep breathes. She didn't know. No one knew. There was another wave of nausea threatening the lunch I'd had. 

"I'm trying to get protection from Seraz's men." It came out a bit weaker than I intended. Elise shot me a stare that wasn't quite angry. 

"Then call the police!" Another turn. The Melane Hotel was only a short distance away.