Hold my Hand

15

This is me. Hey its me. I am trying so hard to disprove myself.

I am using the knowledge I have always had of myself to heal myself.

I am reconstructing my concepts of beauty, my self, of pain, of healing- now of God. Of reality.

Of my desires to meet her.

I try to convince myself I am beautiful without my skin, and that I will be even more beautiful with it heals again but I worry it will not look exactly the same and I do not know how I will explain this to the ones I love if or when they see a scar they've not seen before- what will I say? Which makes me wonder what I will do when I see another snake that is not exactly but still reminds me of the one that forced me. He forced me.

How do I find beauty in myself when I am stuck here with glass in my skin, blood on my dress, filth on my shoes? I have ruined my purity and I don't know how to wash myself clean. This is like a bad dream but I am awake in this cube where SHE use to be, where I felt her.

How do I trust what is to come when I did not even want this to happen? I did not want to be taken. I only took this path because it was recommended to me to follow her.

Did they trick me? If there were other paths then I am humiliated.